Saturday, May 2, 2009


My 16 year old niece is dating. My mother is scared and my sister seems distant in this matter. So this leaves me to guide her down the dating path. Honestly, I don't know if I am the best candidate to give someone so impressionable dating advice. Funny, that doesn't seem to stop me. I can remember when I was 16 and thought I would find my future hubby with whom I could share life with. Sixteen years later and a different reality has been revealed. I have needs. Not specifically of the sexual variety however needs of companionship and adventure. What I have discovered in my time is our 'everything' doesn't exist in human form. As much as I would like to believe I am the total package I am not. If I were the total package then I would not need to grow or gain wisdom. Thus I have come to one conclusion; you don’t really have to have just one boyfriend. I have heard lots of terms like, "polymorphous" or 'open' relationship. I am not just interested in that, I deserve something more than a label that's convenient & definable.

Each gentleman I choose to share my time with possesses great qualities. Allow me to share with you on how to make a complete boyfriend. First, make a list, categorized into four main categories: spirituality, entrepreneurship, fun, education. Each category will vary. Then you seek to fill each category with a boyfriend.

Let’s begin, #1 the 'Pro Hubby.’ I am in no way traditionally married to this gentleman however a legal contract binds our relationship. We are entrepreneurs that refer to our business as our baby. This brother is incredible! However our personalities do not mix well and I have to remember to be on my best behavior when speaking with the Pro Hub. So category #1 filled.

#2 The 'Ad Hub'- adventurous & fun boyfriend. In my travels I met a drummer. I speak with him daily we laugh and occasionally we catch a plane to some sunny location and relax. No stress. No arguments. No anxiety. No sex and no pressure. So category #2 filled.

Off to #3 The Mature Gentlemen-every single woman needs an older man in her life. Before ya'll start screaming 'sugar daddy' wait! Older men still believe in the traditional ways of dating. When you ask a lady out you show up on time, hold the door open and pay for her dinner. I will talk to you about my tales of Dutch dating later. The Mature Gentleman knows how to treat a lady like a lady. If you get one of these single gentlemen there are some rules you need to remember especially for all of my Diva's out there. He doesn't want you to pay for it. You don't have to impress him by what you can buy. He is the man that's his job.

#4 The Smart Guy-he reads more than sports magazines & subtitles to Kung Fu movies. Ladies, it's important that we keep our minds sharp and our conversations diverse. So we need to read. Even better read & discuss books you have read with other people. The Smart Guy enjoys intellectual stimulation so ask lots of questions and propose an opposing view. My Smart Guy and I talk at least weekly and currently we are reading, "This Child Will Be Great' by President Ellen Johnson Sirleaf. It is excellent.

In conclusion, I know one day I will have just one husband and I will be truly grateful for him. However, every good single woman should have many suitors. Remember you are the prize.

Next time: Tales of Dutch Dating