Thursday, April 30, 2009

Now I ain't sayin she a gold digger...

I've heard this term, gold digger alot and in the urban dictionary it is described as this:

Any woman whose primary interest in a relationship is material benefits. A woman who cares more about a man's bank account than she does about the man.

Now, since my freshman year of college, I've talked to alot of our black men about their views on women. It has interested me so much and has touched me on a deeper level then I could have imagined. A stigma black women have to come against is the Gold Digger syndrome. I've heard it many times, 'I don't date black women because they're gold diggers, they want this, they want that'. Now its time to break down this stigma.

The relationship between a male and female has always been this, the male provides and the female takes care of the home and children. In every culture, in almost all living animals on this big blue planet, that is the natural order, so I'm shocked when I hear our men saying a sister is a gold digger when she is looking to date a man that has 'something' When I get the female perspective of the situation, I'm surprised at what that 'something' is. I've had conversations with black women who say I want a man with a house. I'm sorry, what in Gods name is wrong with that? I want a man that has an education. Should she be burned at the stake for that? I want a man that makes more than me. What woman doesn't want that? Honestly. For decades we have watched our counterparts marry 80 year old millionaires, kiss their old crusty lips and pretend to be head over heels, are we really going to allow such a huge double standard? Seriously. The term gold digger was mentioned in the blog talk radio on I Date White as a reason not to date a black woman.

When looking for a serious mate, we aren't just looking to go out get our jollys and go home, we are thinking about the future. Thinking about rather or not we would want marriage or children, yes black women want to get married too. That is the point in dating. Thinking about where we will be when we are in our old age, so why would we not look for a provider? Yes I have my expectations, just like my white friends or my latina friends, and I have always looked for my expectations in the men I date. Thousands and thousands black women have been left by the fathers of their children, and they have been left to raise entire families alone. We have watched this for decades, we've watched fatherlessness get worse and worse instead of improving. Our marriage and divorce rates are embarrassing. We've watched the destruction of the black family. So when a young black woman is starting out on her dating journey, she has all this to think about. Setting expectations and having standards is crucial in her not becoming another statistic, so why is she a gold digger? These women aren't even looking for a millionaire, they are simply looking for a real man. Someone who will be there for the children, someone that will provide for their family, it sounds so simple, and yet it has been deemed so hard.

We as a people need to take a huge step back and look at the big picture. Any woman, no matter her race is looking at what you can provide, brother, believe it. We either see what you have now, or your potential, but you better believe if she's standing by your side it's not just because of your kool-aid smile, don't believe the hype. Would Reggie Bush be with Kim Kardasian if he was living in his grandmothers basement collecting food stamps (men get food stamps did you know that? healthy able bodied men) He wouldn't even be with her if he was working two jobs one at Wal-mart and one at McDonalds doing his best to get by, why? Because she has her standards and her expectations. Take away Kobe's MVP award, contracts, fame and fortune and watch this man have trouble getting a date. A man is still expected to be a man, even though women are working and bringing in the bacon. There is nothing wrong with looking for a mate that has something to bring to the table, never is that wrong. I ain't saying she a gold digger... I'm saying she's a woman.