Friday, May 29, 2009

When will this crap stop

It seems our men are so ready to place a blond white woman on a pedestal and give them the world, when you black man are still one of their biggest fears. In almost every false kidnapping or rape story, the purp is described as being "a big black guy"

There are black men still being released from prison today for crimes they didn't commit, but were blamed for. And just this week, we have a new winner.
Bonnie Sweeten (her last name is obviously ill given) says two black men put her and her daughter in the trunk of a car, and said during the false 911 call that she was currently in the trunk!

Now I sat back, and watched these events unfold, watched her being found safe and sound in Disney, watched the news play down the racial factor in her story and say they were just happy she's okay (are you kidding me?), and I wondered... why two BLACK men? Hmmmmm. The bottom line is, we are still an easy scape goat. Easy to point the finger at, and easy to convict for crimes we didn't do, or get the book where our white counterparts would get a slap on the wrist.

Now this Bonnie woman, had police, in the SOUTH, looking for two black men who KIDNAPPED A WHITE MOTHER AND CHILD. My god there were so many of our men in danger, I wanted to keep mine indoors, he's already a suspect, he fit the description, he's a BLACK MAN. This "woman" (I want to say so many other words) NEEDS TO MAKE A PUBLIC APOLOGY TO BLACK MEN. She's probably never had a negative encounter with black men, never been robbed, never been raped, never been harassed, and yet she was so willing to fabricate this story and put the trigger happy police on alert for innocent men.

Would I be writing this if she had said two white men kidnapped her? Hell no, why? Because of history people. We are still making strides, becoming the "first" to do this and that, still establishing ourselves as people and not animals in this country, and we still are the 1st on the list to blame for a crime.


Wednesday, May 27, 2009

A lot of guys are still immature and always assume

I've been told by one of my male friends that I am unapproachable. That I look mean and that, that could be a reason why a lot of men have not approached me and asked for my number. Me personally, I don't go around having a smile on my face every time I pass somebody. My mouth would hurt all the time. I mean I told him that men today are so quick to judge and assume that I am just an evil b&Tc#. When that is not even the case. I would love to sit down and have a good conversation with some of these black men but there are very few who even want to have a conversation. I just remember a few weeks ago, I was talking to this guy who was very attractive and he was just like lets go to the Marriott. I did not catch on as fast as my friend did but the Marriott is a hotel. What's going to happen there? I mean how bold can these young men be. But it could be a maturity thing. No random person is going to suggest going to a hotel unless the conversations leads to getting one to do whatever it is we do. But I thought that was immature. We weren't even talking about sex or none of that. I guess he was bored with the conversation and thought I was coming to strong. So he flipped the conversation and said "Let's go to the Marriott". The first thing I thought was what an idiot

Gay Marriage...Huh?

I didn't really have an opinion about marriage period, let alone gay and lesbian marriage until I was in my sexuality disorder group last night and Cindy, a girl in our group brought up a very big point. She said, "I'm here because I have sex with my dog and I'm trying to get help. But what is the difference with what I'm doing and gay and or lesbian marriage? It is both looked down upon in society and is definitely a major religious factor, but if they get the right to marry the same sex, why can't I marry my dog? It all makes us happy." Now, believe me when I say, "She is completely out of her mind, not only because of her actions but her thought process isn't all there. Or is it?" Is this where society and the human part of nature is headed? We accept same sex marriage under G-d and then what? People marrying their animals or worse men and woman inbreeding? Where does it end?

I don't care about the same sex thing. I've had my girlfriends in the past but what does bother me is the need and push for homosexuality to be accepted by everyone. If we say one thing against gays or lesbians its seen as discrimination? Really? Have you seen the commercial where the girls are saying, "That's so Gay." and then someone says, "yuk that's so Tammy. Do you like it when people say that about you? Stop saying that's so Gay. Its offensive." WTF?

I have a lot of gay, lesbian and bisexual friends and they even have the same views as I. They feel as long as they have the same rights to have a legal contract and able to put their loved ones on their insurance then what else is needed? Why is it a need for us to be forced to accept something we don't want to accept.

The whole beauty pageant thing really didn't bother me either but I must ask this question, "Is this not a free country, where we fought for the right for free speech? What makes this woman's OPINION, and an honest one, so wrong?" Its not like she's saying, "I don't accept those kind of people because they are black or because they are Jews." When homosexuals are gathered up and put in camps and killed by the millions or taken away from their families, put on boats, shipped to a place they are forced to call home and made into slaves, then I can understand their passion behind their fight. I have heard a lot of people compare this fight to the civil rights movement. Again, WTF?

The truth of the mater is, people choose to be homosexual and if they don't and believe they are born that way, that is fine too but you still have the choice to be with the same sex. Blacks don't have a choice not to be black. When we walk into a room we are seen as black. When a homosexual walks into a room they are not seen as a homosexual UNLESS they choose to show it.

Again people...this is only my opinion. You can agree with it or NOT....I honestly don't give a

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Gender Roles

Over the past several decades women have gone through a major transisiton in this country. We have gained the right to vote, work and earn equal wages (even though sometimes we get paid less) and we have sexual harassement rules and firmer laws helping to keep us safe.

In the African American community there has been a major shift. Black Mars and Venus have collided. Gender roles have been effected and lines have been blurred to the point where our relationships do not work. Coupled with our struggle to find a voice in this country, the black male/female relationship has definitly suffered over the past decades.

And now... economic troubles. Couples of all races are suffering as they face foreclosure, joblessness, and the fall of the middle class. What can we do to establish healthier relationships? Here are a few quick tips to keep in mind.

1. When you begin dating, establish your roles out loud. Women are great assumers. We have expectations beyond belief, but a man will never hear about it. If you're entering a serious relationship, talk about who will be responsible for what, as your lives merge this will become utterly important.

2. Establish good financial communication. Hiding money, hiding, spending, and not being able to go to eachother in your time of need will not help the relationship.

3. Be honest. Don't bite off more than you can chew when it comes to money. If you are planning a life together, open up about your credit status, your debt etc, no surprises need to happen when you try to go for a loan.

4. Be supportive. If one loses a job, its a big deal, especially now with unemployment rates being as high as they are, competition is vicious. A man doesn't need the added nagging at home. Instead, show interest in the job hunt, help as much as possible, and be encouraging. It's hard to succeed when the one you love is tearing you down.

5. Don't be afraid to seek help. If things are snowballing out of control, get help. Theres nothing wrong with counseling. Self sufficient African American women who never need help really doesnt exist, she just chooses not to ask for help.

6. Listen to your gut. You know that inner voice? 99% of the time it's right, more than right. Listen to that voice and get yourself out of situations that will jeoperdize you, even if it means ending a relationship. Sometimes we can prevent the horrible stuff that happens to us.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Squeeze system

The micro squeeze: These are the people that you hang out with and flirt with but it doesn't go beyond that. Almost like your friends that you have sexual chemistry with but you don't hook up with. The difference is that there is, of course, a stronger potential for that hookup to happen later on. 
The Side Squeeze: These are the people that you go on an occasional date with, AND you usually hookup (Kiss and more innocently fool around with) when you do hang out with them but you don't really have sex or a sexual relationship with them. This is kindof like playing a demo to a really cool game, you get to try out some stuff but you don't get the full benefits until you get the real game. The pro to being a side squeeze is that there is potential to be a main squeeze and you don't have very much responsibility/commitment to the person that you are squeezing. lol. 
Side Squeeze version2.0: I had to create this version because everyone knows that we have needs (strong needs at that) and you may not have a main squeeze to keep your thirst quenched (as torrey/abe would say). If this is the case then you may want to recruit a side squeeze to fill that need. The difference between a side squeeze version2.0 and main squeeze is that the version2.0 is only on occasion (when the need has reached the point of desperation). 
The Main Squeeze: (the equivalent of a FICANTE in Brasil) These are the people that you hang out with a lot and when you do hang out you always hookup! These are also the only person in you life that you are currently having frequent sex with. Main squeezes have status if you're going on a date with a side squeeze but your main squeeze wants to go out, then you cancel on the side squeeze to go out with the main squeeze(because ultimately your having sex with the main squeeze not the side squeeze). You always go home to the main squeeze. Side squeeze should never trample main squeeze turf and main squeezes should alwayz defend their territory (otherwise you're just a version2.0). The main squeeze is good because you still have some freedom to roam around with side squeezes (not version 2.0s u drop those when main squeeze is acquired!). So if your hanging out with your girls and get drunk and someone kisses you in the club you don't have to feel guilty about it.
The Permanent Squeeze: This like your boyfriend/girlfriend but we're now calling it "permanent squeeze." When you become permanently squeezed you drop all other squeezes except for your micro squeezes (flirtin is always ok!). 
> all squeezes must be mutual for the squeeze system to work. You cannot have your main squeeze only consider you a side squeeze....communication is key. Don't be afraid to ask someone to be your main squeeze or tell someone you like them as a side squeeze. 
>YOU MUST EXPLAIN THE SQUEEZE SYSTEM UP FRONT! the entire squeeze system breaks down if you do not tell people you are trying to squeeze the rules you live by up front. Honesty is always key...otherwise your hiding your squeezes and that makes you a dishonest playa and a potential heartbreaker, this makes too much drama for this system. This is a different game here guys...not a mind game but a COMPETITION!!!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


Sometimes I wish I was born back in the day, back in the day when men took care of the family financially and were physically there and women took care of the home. I get so tired of getting up for work at 4am to drive across the city to get to my business in which doesn't truly fulfill my desires any longer. I have fantasies of being the wife that has to get up a bit early to make my family breakfast and wake my man up with a BJ to send him off on his day to work. I would hide little notes in his jacket pockets that said, "I miss you." and another in his pants pocket with a little tease to make his thoughts eager to come home. I want to make him dinner and put the kids to sleep early so we can have "us" time. I want to feel my days with organizing dinner parties with his co-workers wives and scheduling play dates for the children. I want to be able to think of ways to make my man happy so I nor he would get bored. I want a second honeymoon in Venice Italy in Spring. I'm gazing into his eyes and I tell him we are pregnant again and he smiles back at me, then embrace me holding my belly saying, "I hope its a girl. My little beautiful princess." he then kisses me and tells me he adores me. I know this sounds unrealistic but I know these thoughts have to come from somewhere, may it be a dream or my own reality, it IS.

I have to admit, when I would visit my mum here in the states I would feel bad for her because she was always working, cooking, cleaning, taking care of her husband and eight children. Her husband worked but with eight children and Los Angeles being as expensive as it is, even then, having a family may it be big or small, was a constant struggle. With the world changing they both needed to work but she seemed to be doing twice the work. One at her job in which I know she put in 110% and at home where she put in about 20%. She could never truly be the best mum I knew she could be with being as tired as she always was. I have this in depth respect for us woman who go to work every morning and then have to go home and continue to work. But what if things where how they use to be, women were able to be taken care of so we could be home when the children got home from school and we were able to have dinner ready for our husbands when he got home? Do you think men wouldn't be as stressed and children would be a lot happier and grow up to be better human beings? Not just successful but better nurturing human beings?

Don't get me wrong ladies, I'm all about the "Independent woman" I like having my rights and being able to vote and I thank the ladies who fought for us to get here, but DAMN I sometimes wish my only worry in life was "What am I going to cook for dinner?" instead of "If we don't get orders in I will have to lay off some people. What about the families who rely on me?" or "Is this guy serious? Does he think I got this far falling for lies like this?"
I don't mean to sound as if I'm complaining about my life because my life is great or shall I say its not as bad as others. Fortunately my business is and will survive this "economical crisis" but sometimes I get so tired of being alone in a world where I'm surrounded by people. Does that make sense?

What happened to our men? They had to raise themselves because the women were too busy at work trying to feed them and make sure they had the nice cloths. And I'm not pointing the fingers at the mothers nor the fathers because even though I believe children need both parents I also believe, if they have only one, that one parent, with the time and patience will be able to nurture a healthy compassionate person. There are a lot of men and women doing this now but there are also many who believe they are doing it but are not. My mother believed she was giving us so much attention she can't understand why her son's are the way they are, Boys. They refused to grow up because they didn't know how. There was no guidance and no role model from her nor her husband to show them the way. They tried to do the best with what they knew. Now she has four men ranging from the age of 20 to 27, 20, 27 with their wives and with at least one child each, living in her house. As weird as this may sound I truly believe they are there still waiting to be raised. But what if this was back in the day? What if my mother was able to stay home and be what she strives to be, a Mother?

I'm tired but there is no going back is there? We have to take what life has given us and make the best with what we have, right? Maybe one day my fantasy will come to fruition. I will keep you posted.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

A must see

I cannot wait to see this film. Monique and Mariah Carey like we've never seen them before, "Precious" is one girls story of abuse, life, and learning to fit in. There are still so many black women in the trenches of society, young black girls falling through they systems cracks.

Saturday, May 16, 2009


Expecting is a curse, it seems. I've recently discovered my relationships with friends will probably take a dramatic turn as I build myself up career wise. All my life I've had my mother tell me, 'There are good people, and there are bad people, the bad people will stand by you for years and you won't even know it, watch out child.' I didn't want to heed her warnings, I wanted to believe all people are good. I wanted to believe that if I helped a friend, in my time of need I'd get help back. Family will always be there? Not in my world. So how does a black female discover the realities of life and not have her heart turned to stone? I realized a while ago that because of my skin and gender, I'd have to work 10 times harder to prove myself in everyday life. I realized a while ago this country didn't accept my great-great grand-mother with open arms. I realized sometime ago the village it took to raise a child was pillaged and nearly destroyed, but we can build ourselves up. I realized my acre and my mule weren't going to be given to me (even though it should've been), I had to earn it.

As human beings, we need each other, relying on each other when times are tough, when we need a helping hand, or just for a good laugh. A strong sense of community died when we gained our freedom. We became American Sheep. Fighting each other for a dollar that doesn't exist (how can money not be backed by anything? come on folks) We work over 40 hours a week to make a fake buck, so that we can ignore our kids so that we can buy that house with the white picket fence, so that the bank can take it away. We began getting wrapped up in our suits and ties and walking along Wall Street's glass pavement with spiked shoes on... and here we are. If I give you a helping hand, don't forget to give one back, because after the fake money is gone, after your house is foreclosed, after your savings disappear, after the media hype over the different flu's to cover up what's really going on,there are only people, and we need each other. Every day make it a point to help someone you see without asking, kindness can be contagious. Help your brothers and sisters, support black business, and if you have black business for gods sake be professional! Out of the ashes a village can rise again, and we can regain our sense of community just by lying the ego aside and paying attention to the little details in life that connect all humans.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Is the system destroying up some of our young black males?

Is society setting a lot of these young black men up for failure everywhere they go. A lot of these young men who go to jail for selling drugs or whatever. They do their time, some of them don't look for jobs and go back to doing whatever it was that got them back in the system, Others want to change and not live that street life. But why is it when a lot of these young men get out they can't get hired? There are a lot of places that won't hire you if you do not speak spanish and others won't hire you if you have a misdeamer or a felony. So it had me wonder is the system setting these young men up? I have a good friend whom I've known since high school and has never had a job because of his felony backround and because he got used to making that fast money so to speak. This goes back to why black woman are still single. We want a good man with a job and a car and who is not a ciminal but the system keeps setting these young men back up to where they can't go out and get decent jobs. Black men want to work hard but for good money. I feel the system is setting these young black men up for failure, it seems like no matter where they go they cannot get a job and what makes a strong black man? Of course a strong black woman but we are not going to settle for less and put up with some of these men who continue to live that street life.

Yes, he is black and you can have him!!!!

Alright, so my " friend", told me just today, how when she comes to work, all the non black women want this one black guy at work. Well, my " friend" clearly does not want him. Well, this woman always looks at my "friend", when she is talking to this black guy. My freind told me how this woman looks at her all damn day along with another woman at work. Also, this black guy at works just smiles over the idea of all this occuring over his tired self. I am going to be real here, the reality is many women date black guys as a way to look down on black women. I go so many places in Los Angeles, and when a black man is with a white or Latino women they both look at me like I want to kill them. The best thing to do is to smile and keep being beautiful. I am insulted that anyone would think I was desperate enough to be angry...from this point on I am the happy black just leave me alone and YES, HE IS BLACK AND YOU CAN HAVE HIM!!!! I want to be happy too, so why would I after 400 years of oppression want to be a mule for man, I am not asking for much, just do not assume, I do not love myself.....well, at work, this "freind " goes through this everyday, it is a sad situation, even more so the other educated black man who is also in the young proffesional age range, does not even protect her, he is also part of this put the black smart beautiful woman down syndrome.....what I missed about the civil rights era was that more black people would support each other at work and in we are all out for ourselves, and even worst, the black man is also throwing rocks on you as once again.. YES, HE IS BLACK And YOU CAN HAVE HIM unless he can treat me like a human and with respect....and most of all other cultures value their women, I know love is color blind, but as a culture, black men should not participate in the deformation of the image of black women...and we should not be harrassed all the time.......

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Can I live?

So, people grow and change, this is what life is all about, right? Well, it is for some and not for others. I know of a " friend", she works with younger teenagers. So my " friend" has to be positive. This was the year of change right? Well, some coworkers at the job are not happy with this new development. When you hold up your head and have hope with a smile, this totally goes against the angry black woman notion. I know for a fact if I was young determined non- black person, this would be okay. Yet for some reason, to grow and have morals is so against the norm. Is the president not black? but maybe people who are not black and even other blacks see OBAMA as the EXCEPTION and not the rule? I think many working black women go through this all day long, we are on guard, we have to defend our right to dream and love ourselves all day long......


There is a saying .. "Who laughs last, laughs best".. Then there is also "Karma is a Bitch"...
I was raised by a single mother .. my sperm Donor (Cause he did nothing to earn or deserve the Daddy title) was never around. She took amazing care of me and my four brothers. I have only ever wanted to see her happy. She got married and had one more child. Then he cheated on her... with her friend. Drama Erupted as the friend showed no remorse and went as far as to say her and my stepfather "belonged' together, and she would be leaving her husband to. (Yes.. she was married too) And so it went.
For years my mother was devastated, she lost all trust and faith in relationships. I still believe even after all this time she never let that hurt or pain go... UNTIL TODAY..
Apparently my stepfather continued to be the dog he was... During this marriage to the woman he "belonged" with he cheated.. with several women.. including her own sister...(that's the cake) he as 3 other children..(that's the icing) ..(wait for it ... wait for it...) One of the children he had is her sisters daughter... her niece..(AND THERE IS THE CHERRY ON TOP)..

So you see, has devastating and traumatic as breakups are, Cheaters and the women who cheat with them never prosper.. and the Universe will always right your wrongs...

P.S Legend, as much as that idiot you dated did not realize the great woman he had when he had you, his karma will teach him that Lesson, so you continue on with your life and enjoy it.. Also something my mom used to say to me.. "God doesn't give you anything he doesn't think you can handle" you have to believe he was looking out for you, He has something and someone better planned for you...

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


My best friend has been my best friend for over 20 years. Throughout our time as friends she has been very judgemental of my life and periodically everyone else around her but her own. She would say things that wouldn't put me down but were less encouraging. She has other female friends and I know while they are together they chat it up about me. It doesn't really bother me but I know her friends don't like me because of things she has told them about me. When she has a gathering and I attend all of them look at me as if they know something that I have only told her. This has gone on for years and I brushed it off. I don't have any other female friends besides her so I figured that's what they do. I don't do it with her because that kind of conversation bores me.
Just recently I went through a terrible break up. My guy I was with for 10 years cheated on me and now has a baby with some four night stand. He didn't have a relationship with her, he just went to her house on four different occasions and slept with her. HINT: IF A GUY IS NOT SPENDING QUALITY TIME WITH YOU HE IS MARRIED OR WITH SOMEONE HE RATHER SPEND TIME WITH. YOU ARE JUST A F@#K. It had nothing to do with our sex life either. She stroked his ego and he lied to her about things he was doing like, in the studio making a hit song, or hanging out with bands, people and producing when he was home...LOL!! When you're with someone for 10 years you loose the wow factor unless they actually are doing something. It was hard for him to fulfill his dreams because they were unrealistic. For all those years all he did was talk about what he was going to do and like a good woman I stood by his side and said nothing and gave full support on every idea he ever had but there was no action. He got off on talking about it instead of doing it. He liked living in the dream instead of making the dream happen.
With this information and a broken heart I went to my best friend. She immediately started to tell me I should forgive him because people make mistakes. Then she went into how I could have been a better woman by not making him feel incompetent by becoming so overly successful and leaving him behind. She said black men need to feel like they are the man in the relationship and I was clearly wearing the pants because I made the money. I thought about what she was saying and felt like she was judging my situation and almost telling me in a way that I somehow deserve what I'm getting because I'm successful. I even took what she said and thought about it for a while. Why is it ok for a man to be successful and have the money but its my fault because I established myself before he did and now that gives him a pass to cheat and possibly bring me home a disease? How do you forgive something like that? Not to mention over the 10 years we were together, I had 5 miscarriages and at the time he presented me with this information I was four months pregnant with twins. The stress overwhelmed me and I lost both of the babies within a weeks time. I constantly thought about how he jeopardized our lives by sleeping with someone else. And after I lost the babies all I could think about is how we tried to have a baby and now he has a baby with this women who knew about me and the family we were trying to make. He had nerve to discuss our situation and me with this woman. I hear people say its not the females fault, but it is when they know about you. They are clearly not victims but more like accomplices in the crime of the broken heart. She listened to his bullshit about his life that I made happen for us and thought he was the one with all the money. She clearly felt stupid after my BMW was taken from him and he was left with his 1984 Honda Civi Hatchback and no place to go but home to his mummy. She later found out he had no job and no money and now she is left taking care of this baby alone because he has nothing to do with her or the child. So ladies, even if they are rolling in a BMW, make sure the pink slip is in his name.
I know you're asking WHY? Why did I stay with him when he had nothing? To me it had nothing to do with money but commitment. It would be wrong for me and hypercritical to leave him because he was still trying to follow his dreams when I had succeeded. We were together with nothing and I felt I wouldn't leave him because of it. I felt if I was up, so was he as long as we were committed to it, us and our relationship. If I were to leave him I wouldn't have been any better than a man who succeeded who leaves his wife or girl friend he has been with for years to date the next hot thing on the red carpet. Thats not me. And I loved him dearly. He was one of my best friends.
No one can truly understand this pain unless they go through it. Which brings me back to my friend. About four days ago she found out her hubby is cheating on her. She called me and cried. After 20 something years she has only seen me cry once and this was the first time in all the years I saw her cry. We are pretty tuff women and we have had some real serious things happen in both our lives. But this one thing was so devastating to us it brought out emotions we weren't use to. She wanted to kill, she wanted to find the girl, she wanted to resolve everything at that moment. I calmed her down and told her she would be fine. I looked at her and said, "At least he doesn't have a baby. There's a start." We both laughed and I told her, "I never wanted anyone but the bitch who put me through this to ever go through this pain." I was so upset at one point I wished and prayed for her and the baby to die. The pain of this is too great. I looked at my best friend, smiled and said, "Maybe you should take the advise you gave me and forgive him." She looked at me and said,"Are you trying to say something." I looked at her and said," You can't comment or judge someones situation on something you have yet to feel or experience can you?" She apologized and said there was no way she could have imagined the feeling.

The moral to this story is, DON'T JUDGE.
Wake up every morning and say, TODAY I SHALL NOT JUDGE
Or the next time you do, the experience of the judged can become your experience.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Confessions of a Manaholic

Confession#9 I've been the other woman

Why? Because I had no idea if I don't ask a new guy I potentially want to date these specific questions "do you have a girlfriend?" "are you married?" "are you gay?" anything that results after we begin dating is officially my fault for not asking. I've had to ask myself for forgiveness for not realizing some people really are just up to no good.

Confessions of a Manaholic

Confession#8 I wear a wedding ring to turn men off.

Why? Because sometimes when a woman goes out she really does just want to hang with the girls and chill. Believe it or not, I don't dress nice and put on makeup just to attract a man, I like dressing up and going out. So to avoid the harassment, I put on a wedding ring, bad part is, sometimes this doesn't stop them and actually makes them think they can go straight for sex instead of asking me out to dinner, which is scary.

Confessions of a Manaholic

Confession#7 I've given out the wrong number 90% of the time.

Why? Because I discovered some years ago when men go out even when they have been 10 years beyond high school, they still treat women like a numbers game. They want to see how many phone numbers they can collect. It's so juvenile and petty, that I've felt no need to give my number to the brother humping me on the dance floor. I can tell when I've really vibed with someone and we will hit it off beyond the club or bar, that's when I get THEIR number. When I say no to the humping brothers, they ask over and over, I even had one say "just give me an email address, something!" I realize a number is like a trophy for the night. So thanks to the rejection hotline, and my ability to make up a believable number on the spot, most men get the wrong digits, they get their ego stroked, but since they weren't planning on calling anyway, I get a drink and I get to dance for the night, no harm done.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Maybe we got it wrong

So today I was randomly going over some pictures, and stumbled across one of me and my (break, not to become an ex). It was taken a few months into our relationship, and I must admit I looked damn good. For about six weeks this photo became the screensaver on his laptop as well as his phone. I was giddy when I saw it because I'd replaced the photos of his niece and Keri Hilson. I was assured that my babe was thinking of me constantly throughout his day. Kudos to me right, beep wrong. On the seventh week our pic was replaced with a 2009 Bentley. At the time i joked about being upstaged by a "bling-ed out ride", but in hindsight I realize something he said that completely flew over my head at the time. He simply stated "I'm nowhere in your phone".
So yes I had him programmed into my cellular, yes he had his own ringtone. But no pictures. None in my phone, none on my Mac, none on my Facebook. Yet here I was cheesing all over his virtual profile, and he unabashedly put me there.
So the question is, do we as women pay attention to the little things our man might be trying to tell us?
It's quite possible that he was hurt by the fact that I didn't have the same consideration for him. This type of sensitivity is something I think we often overlook, mainly because we're too caught up in ourselves. We make sure they know or at least care to learn our likes/dislikes/favorites/peeves.... do we? If you and your significant other played the "newlywed game" would you have a high score? 

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Are we being too picky

Woman today are in getting their education and they are making more money than the men. Back then we used to depend on the men to secure the home now we can hold are own and don't need a man for anything. We can buy our own home, take care of the kids, buy our own cars. Black woman today are doing big thangs with their lives. But are we going to suffer from this success later on in life. Do we really understand what it means to be independent? Because half of us women say we do but in reality we don't, and we push good men away by being picky and judgmental toward men because the last guy we dated treated us like crap now we look at all men the same. I don't know. I did a lot of thinking today.

A tribute to mothers

I have one, I can't wait to be one, a mother
Unconditional love, an unbreakable bond, the worlds most amazing beginning
Truth and tender sweetness cannot describe this lable
This, intangable grasp for a conntction to another human being you will never share with anyone else, thats your mother.

Even if we fight, disagree, even if we cannot stand to be in the presence of this person, this person is still the first, the last, and the only human you'll ever be so close to. Your mother.

Childbirth pains, and child rearing headaches cannot overshadow the overwhelming feeling they get when they see you shine. Your Mother. She loves you with every fiber of her being, she'd give her life for you and she bought you into this world and she'll threaten to take you out a thousand times, thats your mother.

If its a rocky road, or smooth sailing, a shadow in your memory, or someone you see every day, say happy mothers day to every mother you see.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Call the Law

I met a cop today. I met a cop at the liquor store. I went to the liquor store because today I realized that I have to take the MCAT in 4 months. So I walk in the door he approaches me and asks "Is your name Nikki"? I couldn't help but laugh, because at the moment all I could see was that scene from Purple Rain ( Prince humping the stage screaming"Grind,grind,grind.....Nikki).
Anyway, I told him it wasn't still he insisted on checking my ID after the clerk rang up my order. I almost made it back to my car, but he caught up with me. We spent about 15 minutes talking randomly. I tried to keep neutral topics school, work, HIM. Eventually something struck my attention; this cop was about 15 years my senior.
And he still asked me out. Surely the emotional maturity of woman can't be that advanced. I mean i was in kindergarten he was in college. Contrary to popular belief, we 20 somethings are not easier to deal with. We have some life experience, we have some bitterness, we have some insight to life. I admit my counterparts may induce more drama ( a la Jazzmin Sullivan), but ultimately I don't feel age make us better or worse candidates.

The Gift of Goodbye

There comes a time in a relationship where you just have to let it go, walk away and move on because it’s just not what it used to be. This is not necessarily cause by cheating, arguing, lying. Just a feeling of “its over” the love is still there, but not as strong as it used to be. The idea that you love that person but you are no longer in love with that person. How and when do you make that distinction? Mighty Mouth and I have been in this yo-yo of a relationship for 3 years and have produced a beautiful child out of it. And for that my love for him will always be strong, but as time goes on and our lives changed and evolve around our child we have grown distant. We see things in a different light. Motherhood has changed me, however fatherhood has not changed him. We have become to separate entities joined together by a child and the love for that child. But the love between us has not “grown” but is now at a stand still. Just going through the motions. How do I embrace the gift of goodbye?
I have sat and watched many relationships crash and burn when the love between them used to be so hot. I have watched relationship turn from great love to pure unadulterated hate. Watched mothers and fathers despise each other to the point where there child has become the rope in between this vicious tug-of-war. I don’t want that to happen between him and I. I believe there still needs to be some type of peace between us, simply because we have a child, So I need to say Goodbye, but its hard to let go of something you have known for years to walk back into the unknown world of Dating. I mean I should know when its over… Just let go.It is what is needed to be done … Right???.

Online Dating

I have been online dating now for a few years. A lot of people may say it is a weird way to meet someone, but why? I don't think its any different then being approached by a guy while at Subway ordering a sandwich. Personally I feel if you're a person with a good judge of character you will be able to wing out the bad and date the greats. I've learned to make men feel comfortable and open. Its my only way of really knowing what kind of guy he is. I have a few tips on the matter.

Tip #1
Make sure your profile doesn't give too much of what you are looking for. Give a brief description of yourself and write something that will keep a guy in awe. If you give them to much they will pretend to be everything you are looking for just to get you to chat with them. Especially if you are gorgeous. They usually look at your picture first and then read the profile. I think about 95% of them only read the profile to write something clever and to show you, 1. they've read your profile and 2. "Hey look at me, I can read. Please respond".

Tip #2
Make sure your profile picture shows little skin. Some skin is good but not too much.
If you are serious about finding someone with substance you don't want to give off the impression of being a woman that is easy. There are tons of women on sites that look for one nighters and you can be mistaken for one of those. If you are looking for a "Hook up" then by all means show as much as you'd like.

Tip #3
Always meet first before you decide on your wedding dress. So many women fall in love with guys just by emailing and talking on the phone. Girls, if he is too busy to meet then he is either married, in a relationship, crazy, feeding you a dream, or not the guy he put on his profile picture. Yes girls, guys do it too. I can't tell you how many guys I have met who were not the pictures they showed. They were either 10 to 20 years older, 80 to 100 pounds heavier, or it just wasn't them at all...LOL!

Tip #4
If you are not interested then don't lead them to believe you are. Be honest but firm.
I had this one guy tell me he was looking for something long term and when I told him I wasn't having sex until there was substance he then changed his attitude. You can really bring out the worse and the best in someone if you are yourself.

Be careful. Not everyone can deal with crazy's like I can. It is really important you never ever meet someone for the first three dates alone (Meaning at his place or a place YOU are not familiar with). It takes about three dates and a life time to really see the man for who he is. Lucky me it only takes one. I tend to bring out every ones naughtiness no matter who it is.

Tip #6
If you are not looking for sex DO NOT BRING IT UP IN CONVERSATION. If a guy tries to bring it up change the subject. You don't want to come off like thats what you are looking for. If you start talking about sex they think you are ready for it. Pick the right time to let him know you're not a total prude. I don't even have to talk about sex for them to try to be my desert.

Tip #7
Follow your intuition. If you feel like this guy is not good or there is something about him, run. Avoid all emails, phone calls and any place you met up with him. The feeling of him not being good for you is usually 1000% accurate. I try to meet guys places I usually never go. If I like a particular Starbucks I don't choose that one. I choose one close to him. And ladies, you don't have to change your cell number. Do not delete theres. If you don't want to know or see their names any longer change their names in your phone to "DO NOT ANSWER." This lets you know that you better not answer it or it will be someone you don't want to talk to. If you delete their numbers they could wait a month and try to call you again, just to see how you are doing. And by then you don't recognize the number and may think its someone from the job, your kids school, or another friend calling from someone elses phone. Leave it in the phone and change the name to "DO NOT ANSWER" and you won't ever have to worry about that. Oh and if they try to call with another number just hang up on them. They usually get the hint. Yes this even works for family and friends you don't want to talk to. One of the DO NOT ANSWERS in my phone is my mum...j/k

Tip #8
Never give out too much of your information. You don't really know these people so you don't have to tell them your street address, your job location, where you work, what kind of car you drive, the city your mum lives in, your mothers maiden name, or your SSN. Its ok to just talk about your interest. If this person becomes someone you don't want to know and he gets angry with you, he can be a crazy and find out where you work and start harassing you there. Lets keep the personal information to a minimum.

Tip #9
Be honest. I say this because you can lie about something to someone and he could be the one who opens your heart. So if you have 5 children and you told him you have three because those are the three that live with you, that's still considered as a lie. Be up front and honest. By the time you meet and he further gets to know you, if he truly likes you, he will accept you and everything you have to offer. If not, screw him, there are way too many men out there that would. But it is important to make sure you give them a choice to accept it or not.

Tip #10
The free sites are not different than sites you pay for. The same guys are on both. I think I had more ass holes on the paid sites than I did on the free ones. I think some guys know that if women are paying to be on a site they are more willing to believe that they are serious and not on the sites to just get laid. I'm not speaking for all men, just most.

Have fun ladies but be careful. I hope my tips can help open your eyes and give you a bit of incite on the online dating scene.
Ciao for now

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The Frog Princess

Our beautiful Princess Tiana of New Orleans, Louisiana, from the new Disney movie coming out called The Frog Princess is our first Native American Black Princess. Have you heard or seen anything in regards to this? My best friend just called me up and told me about it. Her main concern as a Native Black American woman is that her son and daughters are going to grow up feeling like every other race is better than black because young Princess Tiana's Prince Charming is a Brazilian man. Would she make such a big deal out of it if it where a black prince with a Spanish Princess or an African Prince with a French Princess? Or would it be such a big deal if it where the fourth or fifth Black Princess? In Aladdin they didn't make Aladdin white but should this be a concern? Do you see this as society not building confidence in our young Native Black American boys? This is really something to think about. What do you think?

Confessions of a Manaholic

Confession#6 I've gone on dates just to eat.

Why? I know, I know, its a terrible thing to do, but I was in college and money was tight. At the time I didn't take dating seriously at all. I really wanted to eat out instead of having ramen noodles for the third night in a row. But it of course it used to always boomerang, because when they tried to make their moves, I had to figure a way out. Hmmm, that is probably why I always drove my own car for an even easier way out.

Confessions of a Manaholic

Confession#5 I faked it for years.

Why? Because the men I dated really thought they were special in that department, and I didn't want to disappoint them. But faking it never got us far. Physical attraction and satisfaction is key to a good relationship, and after personally reflecting on this, and deciding what I want in a man and going after it, I have that good physical attraction now so I'm so happy.

Confessions of a Manaholic

Confession#4 Sometimes I'd rather have a dog than a man.

Why? Men are dogs you say. No, I don't use that good ol' phrase to describe men, mainly because I don't want to be referred to as a bitch, so I try to give what I want to receive. Sometimes having a relationship can be so much work and so mentally draining, I think, a miniature Schnauzer wouldn't do this to me, maybe I'll get one of those instead, I can train it to fetch my slippers.

Endless Possibilities ..

My Native black American friends say, "I can't see how you date white men. I aint never daten no white man. Girl, they can't satisfy me. If I take him home my family would flip. And I can't deal with nothin pink. I can't date and be with nothin that aint black"
I have dated most all nationalities, culture, race, Black, White, Asian, Eastern Indian, American Indian, Canadian, European, Italian, Brazilian, African, Hawaiian, Fijian, Spanish, Arabs, Eskimo, Aborigine, Israeli Jewish, Cuban, Mexican, French, Russian, Egyptian, rich, poor, middle class, royalty, lets just say I have had my variety. We like to say its a known fact that a lot of black men are well endowed. But they are NOT the only nationality, culture or race to be blessed with such greatness. All of the nationalities of the world have their chosen few just as the Native American Black Man, and not ALL of them are "packing something vicious". But, is that what makes any man a great lover, their race, their nationality, or their culture? With all of my experiences and travels, I have to say no. Without substance, communication, trust, intellectual mental stimulation and unconditional love you might as well be alone. All men are the same no matter where they come from. They just come in different colors, different shapes, different sizes and different cultures. But trust me, a man being any nationality, having culture and their race does not make them better than the next. And this includes body parts. As a person we have our "taste" its what draws us to one another, our chemistry, and if we as black women open up we will see. I can't say that you will find something better but you will be opening up your options. Like I said, "All men are the same in all cultures." About four weeks ago I was introduced to a white male in his mid 30's who had four baby mommas. But we don't hear about that because they don't have Aunt Bay and Little Nee Nee spreading all they business in the streets. And the week before that a friend told me her husband cheated on her with the neighbor and she found out he now has a new born baby with this neighbor. They are both Eastern Indian. You don't hear about this because they handle this like adults and not schedule to meet in the front lawn of the house to fight over whose number one. Lets not mention the Italian men. They will take you around their families and have a great big dinner while the wife is at hospital having the baby. Does that sound familiar ladies? I'm sure all of us know someone who knows someone who has done this. But we don't hear about other cultures because their women aren't as passionate as we are with our feelings. We have ancient memories of our loves snatched from us so we want to hold on to what we believe is ours. But, do we really have possession of anything that we have not bought? And then there is my friends Mark and Tameka who have three beautiful children and adore each other and their family. I wish to have that kind of love one day. She is black and he is from Spain. My point to writing this is to express how all men are the same in every aspect of life. You just have to stop looking for a particular race or nationality or culture and start looking for a good man, no matter where he comes from.
Opening yourself up to other possibilities will give you a chance to find "THE ONE" sooner than later.

Monday, May 4, 2009


Men lie, but woman lie too. I will admit, I did something that was immature with my ex-boyfriend a while ago that I will confess. A few months ago I was in an relationship with my ex-boyfriend for about 6 months. He and I had been getting into it because of his cell phone. He always received text messages from different woman who would constantly call his phone. So one night we had made up and even though we stopped arguing in the back of my head I still felt he was talking to someone else and I wanted to check his phone and I did but his phone automatically locks. What a surprise. So I guessed on the code. I typed in 1,2,3,4. But that didn't work. I would've stopped there but I tried a 2nd time it still did not work. You would've thought I was crazy but I was a very determined woman wanting to know if my boyfriend was cheating. But I thought about it and I left it alone. I figured he knows his code. He should get it. He'll never find out what I did. So later on that night, I got off work and he had called my phone, he was very calm and asked " Did you try to unlock my phone". I replied "No, why would I do that?". So we went back and forth arguing about it. But when it was all over we eventually got his phone unlocked. But I never admitted to him what I did and I never will. It's a Liars Game. A person says a lie like cheating and continuous with that lie as if it is game

Love be patient, Love be Kind

Most women I associate myself with pride themselves on being sexy, savvy, and independent. They make their own money, pay their own bills, and consider themselves equally matched to men in practically every way. So I know i'll probably get some shaking heads with what I'm about to write. My Love has decided that he needs a "Break", and I am voluntarily choosing to wait.
I can hear the "Oh, Hell Naw" coming but I have my reasons. Mainly being because I don't want to inflict my broken heart on the possible decent men out there. I could choose to fill my Blackberry with meaningless dates and engagements, but it honestly isn't fair to subject some poor soul into being my "place-filler". I've done it many times before, it ain't pretty. I am guilty of going out with a perfectly un-traumatized gentleman allowed him to court me, kiss me, and fall in love with me; all the while I was pining away for someone else. End result? He's gonna get pissed, and now he's messed up and skeptical of the next woman. My sincere bad, my sister.
Why am I choosing to wait you ask; plain out I just love him. I honestly feel that he just spooked himself, and will come around. And if for some reason that isn't the case, then I have faith the GOD will release this hold on my heart. In the meantime, it doesn't behoove me to waste valuable time out in the club being grinded upon or at a sushi bar making bad smalltalk.
It's downright exhausting and unfulfilling to me.

Thank you Michelle Obama??????

I was at a bar having wine time with a client yesterday (yes I love my job) when I was approached by this gorgeous white male. I have dated primarily all white men, not by choice but because that's all I attract, this particular guy was that white business, distinguished but looked like he could have a good time type of guy. And his body looked priceless in his suit. DADDY!! YUM! As I sipped on my wine I looked over and gazed his way as he asked if he could buy me another glass. I smiled and said, "No, I'm ok. I'm heading back to my office." I wasn't giving him the cold shoulder, nor was I giving him an invite to to ask me out. I could admire him without wanting him right? Ok, my mind was drifting into an exciting scene of adventure and hot passionate, wild bumping uglies but then he opened his mouth. He leaned over and whispered, "Since Michelle Obama came along, a lot of my friends and I are curious about what it would be like to have a black woman in our lives." WHAT! I couldn't believe my ears. Now all of a sudden this white gorgeous man is telling me black woman are desirable because of Michelle Obama? So, is it now IN to walk down the street holding the arm of a black woman because Michelle Obama stands strong as an accomplished black woman who is praised by her husband as part of the key to his success? Have we, the black female become the trophy to white men, how the white women have become the trophy and sign of accomplishment for our black men all these years? Or are we just a fad that will fade like when we were in elementary and said, "Light skinned is in." Or even worse, are white men curious about how we are in bed? Something to think about.

Thank you Michelle Obama????

Confessions of a Manaholic

Confession#3 I've thought about shopping during sex.

Why? Because I was bored! The bad part is, we had a bad break up and I could've easily pulled the 'you ain't ish in bed' card, the coveted card many women hold, but I didn't. I have a few of those cards in my pocket, believe you me.

Confessions of a Manaholic

Confession #2 I think I'd be happy in an open relationship.

Why? Because it seems so easy, if you don't want to be bothered, he has someone else and vice versa, I have someone else. And yes, sometimes we don't want to be bothered but we want to stay with that person. Everyone has their days. I watch the show Big Love, I know there will be drama. Or I see the people in the middle states sharing a home and the women look so at peace. I know it sounds strange but, true. Looking at the infidelities in so many relationships, wouldn't it just be easier to have it open. I mean, why be married to a man that has two secret girlfriends, find out about it, go through all this drama, and eventually divorce. Is monogamy dead?

Time Will Tell....

I have been chatting it up with one particular guy lately via email and on the phone. He has been my inspiration and guide to finding love within myself. We have touched on many topics, including my dating experiences and he has been truly honest and open with his advise, questions and answers. We met through a mutual friend and we have decided to not see each other before we really get to know one another. Its a bit romantic in a way as our words cross the waves of the electron cords as if we were dancing or composing a symphony. We have yet to establish were and if our conversations or writings will take us to the next level, if there is one. But I can say this man, this wonderful man has made me feel the tingles with only his thoughts and energy. Could this be what we need as woman to get the substance in a relationship we seek? Is it the connection first and then the physical we desire in order to have meaning and get the true unconditional love we all have within us to give to one another? I will keep you posted on the progress of our slow journey. It feels like we are moving faster then time itself.
I know what you're thinking, "What if I see him and he is not attractive or what if he sees me and he doesn't find me attractive?" We can all say looks don't matter but that's bull. Looks are what initially attracts us to another but I have to say this is different. I don't think I could go one day without hearing his voice or chatting with him and I know he feels the same because he has voiced this to me several times. I know if I feel the way I do just with our conversation, once we touch I may just be done. But are we destine to only know of each other the way we do as if we are in a confessional confessing our desires of true love to one another, or will we finally cater to this need to know the touch of one another and finally meet?
All I can say is, "Time will tell."

Confessions of a Manaholic

Confession #1, I've stayed away from a serious relationship because I know I'm capable of cheating.

Why do I feel I'm capable of cheating? Probably because I haven't had many positive experiences with the men in my life. From a little girl, seeing the wrong doings towards my mother, aunts, grandmother, sisters, and now me. I guess it would be a defense mechanism. I've heard many women say all men cheat... so I guess I figure why wouldn't I? I would never do it first, it would purely be retaliation, but two wrongs don't make a right, and I believe in prevention, so I've just never gotten to the point to see exactly how this currently imaginary scenario would play out.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Dessert or No Dessert?

It seemed as though my search for a new partner was coming to an end. I took it slow and only had the feeling of wanting to get to know this guy better. I will call him Jeff.
I met Jeff while I was having a picnic alone at a park. I know having a picnic alone sounds weird but sometimes I feel the urge to have good food and wine outdoors and if you don't have someone to do it with why should that stop you. As I was cutting my cheese for my crackers I look up to see Jeff. He began a short conversation about the wine he saw in my basket and said I could get fined for having such a great bottle. I smiled and said he wasn't suppose to see that. He was a bit older than me but not too much older. I would say in his late forties. We continued to chat and I asked if he would like to sit down. He sat down and opened my bottle of wine and quickly poured it as to not be seen by park rangers. He took one sip and said, "Wow. You really know your wine to be so young." I found it to be a wonderful compliment and I love to get my ego stroked on occasions. At the end of our conversation he asked if he could ask me over to his place some time for dinner since I was so gracious to share my wine and lunch. I smiled and graciously took his offer. We'd planned for our dinner in three weeks time as I had a tight schedule. During those three weeks we chatted at least once a day and emailed about funny thoughts we would have about our days. He was rather entertaining. With our communication so easy and me feeling really comfy, I felt good to go to his house for dinner.
That night he had to lead me into the hills as I have zero sense of direction. As I pulled up to his home it seemed really familiar. I walked in and as soon as I walked in the door his dog immediately went straight for my crotch. How awkward that was..hmmmmm
His home was fabulous. It was like a flash back to the 50's. His kitchen was like a 50's diner and his furniture looked like something out of the show Happy Days. He had authentic Andy Warhol pictures of Mic Jagger hanging on the walls and some unknowns. But his choice of paintings were amazing.
He cooked a great dinner and showed me his wonderful wine cellar. He had wines from all around the world. He said every year he takes a trip to Paris, to my region of Burgundy to taste the finest wines. I was extremely impressed. He let me choose the wine for dinner and when I chose he was impressed.
After dinner he continued to pour the wine. He kept asking how I felt and I told him I was fine. After the second bottle came the third. After the third came the fourth. He kept asking, "Are you ok?" I said, "Yes I'm fine." He then asked if I was ready for dessert. He said he prepared a special dessert to go with the port wine he picked out. I was really excited because I saw his collections of ports. He walked to the kitchen and I sat on the couch making sure to keep the dog away. As I pushed the dog away for the tenth time I looked up and there was Jeff standing there naked holding a bottle of port wine. At that moment everything became clear. All the wine he was pumping me up with was good to me but was being given for Jeff's bad intentions. But what Jeff didn't know is that I come from a long line of alcoholics and it takes more then 4 bottles of wine to even dent or make me buzzed. My limit is usually around 6 with me questioning if I'm ok to drive. This is why I only drink wine and not hard liquor.
If it were anyone else but myself and I were to hear this story I would say, "Wow, no way." But its me and I was more upset with myself because I didn't see it. But when it happened I was not surprised. If I didn't have such weird things happen to me I would have reacted in a more fearful and negative way. But all I said was, "Hmmm, I think I'm rather full and will have to pass." I grabbed my purse and walked out the front door, leaving Jeff standing with his port in his hands.

"I will not give up, I will not give up, I will not give up."
My "There is somebody for everybody" is out there somewhere....

BMW OR HONDA CIVIC. Do we sterotype men by there cars?

Picture yourself driving down the street and your stopped at a red light. Two cars pull up, a BMW on the Right and a Honda on the Left. Which one would you probably look at? We see a BMW which is a nice luxurious car and check to see who is driving that bad ass car and, if they are cute. We wouldn't mind going out with a handsome guy who drives a nice car. However, how many of us turn and look to see who's inside a regular Honda Civic? The guy in the Honda could be the guy we've always wanted but since he's driving a Honda Civic not many of us will not take the chance to get to know or see who is driving that car. At that point in time we are not thinking about personality we are thinking about the nice car and maybe the guy has a lot of money.Where as we see the regular Honda which you can get one now for about 1500 or less & what do we think? He don't have no money. So this had me wondering because if a BMW and a Honda were both on the side of me, I would personally look at the BMW before the Honda any day.
Do we stereotype a man by what they drive?

Saturday, May 2, 2009


My 16 year old niece is dating. My mother is scared and my sister seems distant in this matter. So this leaves me to guide her down the dating path. Honestly, I don't know if I am the best candidate to give someone so impressionable dating advice. Funny, that doesn't seem to stop me. I can remember when I was 16 and thought I would find my future hubby with whom I could share life with. Sixteen years later and a different reality has been revealed. I have needs. Not specifically of the sexual variety however needs of companionship and adventure. What I have discovered in my time is our 'everything' doesn't exist in human form. As much as I would like to believe I am the total package I am not. If I were the total package then I would not need to grow or gain wisdom. Thus I have come to one conclusion; you don’t really have to have just one boyfriend. I have heard lots of terms like, "polymorphous" or 'open' relationship. I am not just interested in that, I deserve something more than a label that's convenient & definable.

Each gentleman I choose to share my time with possesses great qualities. Allow me to share with you on how to make a complete boyfriend. First, make a list, categorized into four main categories: spirituality, entrepreneurship, fun, education. Each category will vary. Then you seek to fill each category with a boyfriend.

Let’s begin, #1 the 'Pro Hubby.’ I am in no way traditionally married to this gentleman however a legal contract binds our relationship. We are entrepreneurs that refer to our business as our baby. This brother is incredible! However our personalities do not mix well and I have to remember to be on my best behavior when speaking with the Pro Hub. So category #1 filled.

#2 The 'Ad Hub'- adventurous & fun boyfriend. In my travels I met a drummer. I speak with him daily we laugh and occasionally we catch a plane to some sunny location and relax. No stress. No arguments. No anxiety. No sex and no pressure. So category #2 filled.

Off to #3 The Mature Gentlemen-every single woman needs an older man in her life. Before ya'll start screaming 'sugar daddy' wait! Older men still believe in the traditional ways of dating. When you ask a lady out you show up on time, hold the door open and pay for her dinner. I will talk to you about my tales of Dutch dating later. The Mature Gentleman knows how to treat a lady like a lady. If you get one of these single gentlemen there are some rules you need to remember especially for all of my Diva's out there. He doesn't want you to pay for it. You don't have to impress him by what you can buy. He is the man that's his job.

#4 The Smart Guy-he reads more than sports magazines & subtitles to Kung Fu movies. Ladies, it's important that we keep our minds sharp and our conversations diverse. So we need to read. Even better read & discuss books you have read with other people. The Smart Guy enjoys intellectual stimulation so ask lots of questions and propose an opposing view. My Smart Guy and I talk at least weekly and currently we are reading, "This Child Will Be Great' by President Ellen Johnson Sirleaf. It is excellent.

In conclusion, I know one day I will have just one husband and I will be truly grateful for him. However, every good single woman should have many suitors. Remember you are the prize.

Next time: Tales of Dutch Dating