Thursday, December 31, 2009

Sometimes its not all black n white Lou Jing




This beautiful half Chinese half Black sister is being hated, hackled, and harassed by her Chinese people. If she was half white she could blend in and all would be well. I'm happy my skin is dark, I'm happy I stick out, because I shift through the real people, and the people with half brains that descriminate because of skin color. Its kind of a forced "be real" situation. If you're racist, you'll show it and I'd rather know who is and who isn't.
I just wish her father was there to support her emotionally.

Monday, December 28, 2009

When will we point of the self hate in black men?

I remember speaking to one of my coworkers at a past Job. It was such a true and funny. conversation. She was in her late 50's a cultural aware woman who happened to also be Jewish. She described to me how in the past black women were not " having all that" ...in other words, we showed our disdain for any educated black man that wanted to marry outside of his race for status and self hate instead of love....? Deep down are many of our black man still wanting to move in to the masta's house and with his woman instead of using new freedoms to build a new house? Seriously, at times I wonder if many black men are still looking to white America as their fathers rather than truly defining their own lives for themselves? IN the pursuit of money, we need to all become owners.In the case of Tiger Woods, why can't we have more black men and women being the people who cut checks for million dollar athletes, and once again we should have more people than just Tyler Perry and Oprah able to make hollywood decisions.....yet, no matter how we dress it up, many of our men and even some of our women are still " shucklin and jiving"......but our men is where we lose the much needed leadership for our communities, we as black women have been doing this strong black woman thing for too long, it is time for us to hold black men accountable and stop blaming it all on us.....if you date outside of your race for love, that is okay, but to date outside of your race because you hate how your mother looks is disgusting, it should be the exceptions but not the rule to date everyone that does not look like you! ,how can you hate yourself?

So what do we do ladies?

Liars, and Tigers, and Hoes! OH MY!


So I've waited for a while to write about this one on purpose. I wanted to see how it will play out, I remember watching the morning news for a few days and thinking, my god he had a car accident leave the man alone! But it has clearly turned out to be a deeper and darker issue with our beloved blasian golfer. His squeaky clean persona and papa pleasing career has landed him in the top 10 black men in my book (he's black even if he won't admit it) and I feel like there are alot of issues that have led up to his personal unraveling.

Here are 5 good points that both defend Tiger and could make him hang his head in shame

1) The politics behind being a multi millionaire black male in sports. Basketball players and Football players have been proof is this issue for decades. There is a certain politic when it comes to black men and sports. I'm a conspiracy theorist to the max and when I see the black men running around after a ball headed by their white coach, well I can only refer to one point in history where that was okay, but alot of people might think I'm digging too deep on that one... fine! But breaking barriers in a sport like golf comes with great consequences for a black man. First off he must live up to the image of his peers, this means blending in as much as possible, even if it means at times not acknowledging either of the two races that make you you. His choice of marrying and raising a family will be scrutinized not matter what, his black wife would be scrutinized, his asian wife would be scrutinized, and his white wife as well. But as always when a black man is "successful" the safest choice for a mate is a white woman, afterall that will mean she's not a gold digger right? (hmmm how much is Elin standing to gain from this marriage?) When will our men realize it doesnt matter what race of woman you marry, most of them will simply see dollar signs. Now lets say she really loved the guy, i don't know them personally so, lets say this was truly her prince charming, her white counter parts are taking pride in pointing their fingers at the woman that tried to save the animalistic man that can't keep it in his pants. Lets face it, thats what black men are best known for anyway? A man of his stature, and with his sexual issues simply needs to stay single... why do you think Oprah will never get married? She knows the deal.

2) Money money money. This athlete stands to lose alot based simply on his image. So why oh why didnt he think about that when he was bending over a random waitress? Why can't these men really think? I mean really? There has to be a certain point in a mans life when the lightbulb comes on right? Wrong, and he has proven that. Now he's on a race to save his fortune from his wife, and save his endorsements who want a clean, family man on their roster. And what do these "mistresses" get? A chance to go down in the Hoe hall of fame.

3) Children don't make your image. Sometimes in the entertainment and sports industry a sick thing happens, the public figure needs to have a kid to keep their image. It's not really anything new, and isnt an unknown issue. Rather its through adoption to keep up with the Pitts, or having a kid within a PR marriage, the public figures of this country need to hold themselves accountable for bringing children into truly screwed up situations. If he really has a sex addition he should be ashamed of himself for having children, looking at the timeline it was possible he was cheating on his wife during her pregnancy, which to me is the ultimate disrespect a man can show towards his wife.

4) The race war. Tiger has gotten some flack from the beginning because of the color of his skin, its America, it's normal, people are screwed in the head. So would this be as big an issue if his wife were black? Hearing about the other golfers turning their backs on him, when they probably have their little candy girl on the side as well doesnt sit right with me. Calling him a fake, and the man that introduced the two saying he knew Tiger was fake, then why would you hook him up?! If you know someone is sticking his d#@& in every hole on the golf course, then don't introduce him to your gal pals. We are in the age of Obama and you can't have too many good black male images in the media, we gotta mix it up a little, thanks Tiger for reminding us our men need alot of work! (thats sarcasm)

5) Self control. Sex addition is a crock. I'm sorry, I know there are people out there rocking back and forth saying oh my god I need to do it now with anyone! But give me a break, there are way too many classified, medicated addictions and vices that simply center around a lack of self control. His father seemed like a loving and caring man that would be disappointed to have a son that simply didn't think. I dont buy any kind of addiction story.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Do African American women have to give up more to be with someone?


Okay, we already know some of the grime statistics of finding a African American male partner. If we also try to date outside our race, we also have to sometimes face racism there as well. I do think that dating outside our background is important because we are all people regardless of color. However, the bigger issue of value and racism comes to mind when I think of how much I may have to give up to be with someone. I am limited in my choices. Yes, I can overcome these limitations and I do believe with faith( and acts of courage) I can find my true partner. Nonetheless, if I am a fish and dating is my sea..... how do I create a boundary between being to eager to swim in okay waters when I can have some better waters....does this makes sense? A stereotype that comes to my mind is the angry " ghetto" screaming black woman. This stereotype is the representation of how historically and even presently we are all put into a box of inequality as women of color. We are put into a box of racism and sexism all at the same the time. I also think African American communities have a huge division when it comes to class. Many of us in higher positions either want to forget racism exists or we want to justify why many blacks have bad life outcomes. Alright, so with all this said, we have to be careful to not settle for just anything. Sometimes our expectations are very low. The media or mainstream people will want us to believe that " educated" black women have too high of standards and this is why we are single. I am sorry, the reality is we are mules to our black men and sometimes cartoons to non-black men. Many of our black men have sold us out. In California I rarely will see a black man push a stroller for a black woman. A friend of mine told me how in the mid Atlantic is so easy to see a black man with a black baby? The real solution is not for us to be angry, that will never ever help, but we must also remain hopeful. I heard another woman say that "all men cheat", now the media may show every famous black man sticking his love everywhere but that is not necessarily true for ALL black men. We must still expect a man to not cheat, we must still expect a man to support us with his heart, we must expect him to not be perfect, but we can expect him to be a soldier for us and to protect us ....because that is what we do deserve like every other woman. We also have to guard our hearts, what a burden? we are exploited, and this is the reality, a man who knows the social conditions of our situation will have to be a man of his word because we have to guard our bodies and souls. There is a reason we have high HIV rates, single mothers and forms of abuse -------------> racism and sexism. We must speak truths to each other as women as well and not apply the racist stereotypes of causation to our own sisters! If we look at popular culture, we would think being the trash bags to men is normal and it is not. We also have to remember that education does not mean everything, a college educated man can dump you and leave you. In the end, we have to keep our hearts true to our ancestors and ourselves........we are all royalty. We deserve the realist love, a love that will make sure that we do not cry too long, a love that will always want to heal us, a love that will never want to break us, even if we may fight...... there is nothing perfect people, but as black woman I do think we have to straddle the line between loving with all our our hearts like we have done since the beginning of time....and finding the freedom to love, never being scared to fly to where we belong and also to stay where we do belong...

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Treating ourselves this holiday season

The holidays are a great time to love our loved ones. Most of us busy motivated women have to also remember to treat ourselves( buy that latte, do our nails, make sure to rest, and take nice walks etc.)Now treating ourselves does equate to just buying an expensive bag( but do this if you want, I know I might if I can LMBO!). It is just so good to reflect about the year . It is a time to think of the good and also the bad. New year resolutions are not just about losing weight and getting a new job, but it can also mean supporting positive growth in the areas that need it the most in our lives. So, for me, I am making this holiday season about connecting with myself and of course with the things that cannot be bought. ..This can give some us even more strength to be what we already are....beautiful women. Let's make 2010 even more beautiful for us and the things we love.....and make sure to treat ourselves well this holiday season, we all deserve it!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Has the feminist movement produced ladymen?


Theres an interesting study being done by the Huffington post on why women aren't happy and it all boils down to women's new roles in society. So this brings forth the question, has the feminist movement produced ladymen? Now ladymen is my word, and could be taken as an insult, but basically the study is focusing on how men are no longer providers, and seem to be lost and confused in the work place etc. and I have definitly noticed this. A major shift in the roles of men seems to be having an adverse effect. Men are no longer responsible for the well being of the home that the woman takes care of, the responsibility is shared and now is leaning more on the woman's shoulders. Men are becoming "manny's", stay at home fathers, and taking jobs that were once considered insulting to a man like nurse, or flight attendant, or teachers. Could this great shift in gender roles come back to bite us in the butt? Apparently the effects are already showing in women now, higher stress levels, disappointment, lack of sexual desire towards their partners, and so on.


So heres the question ladies. Should we be the breadwinners? Even though we scream independent woman! i got my own this... i got my own that... why do we get upset when taking care of a man?


read about the study at the huffingtonpost.com

A good book to read

Press Release: Author Opens Taboo dialogue about fatherless homes


Self published author Lavita Stokes has released her first novel about the effects of a fatherless home. The book is a great read and can be purchased through her website at http://www.afatherslovebook.com/

Monday, November 9, 2009

Selling her virginity




Sigh, watching Tyra today and one of the most annoying stories I've watched in a long time. This "virgin" is selling her virginity to the highest bidder. First of all, who would believe she's a virgin? I mean honestly look at her. Now she says her main purpose in doing this is to empower women and show people that women are being discriminated against. She keeps saying she's looking for someone with chemistry and she's not necessarily going to give her virginity to the highest bidder. I don't know, I think she's a prostitute that's getting too much attention. Her plan is to use the money to pay for school. She's a coward that's taking the easy way out. If all women did this we'd all be rich because face it, men ARE going to pay for it, rather it's in cash or dinner and a movie, or a house. So it's up to women to set the price. But my point is this money hungry sorry but ho, is selling something that we only get one chance to give up and I'm angry because I'm torn, there are plenty of virginity horror stories where the woman walks away with nothing more than a five minute burst of confusion. So is this a better way to get rid of your virginity? Is she a ho or a smart business woman. Mind you the highest bidder is now at 3.8 million dollars.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Jon and Kate plus Hate


I don't like talking about this one, but it's been in the forefront to the media for months and at this point is unavoidable. I was watching John Gosselin's latest embarrassing moment when he was sitting next to a Jewish rabbi who apparently is now counseling him. He says he apologizes to Kate and hopes for forgiveness... fine... he then goes on to say it is difficult for a man to be expected to stay home for two years and change diapers and stuff when he expected his wife to do it.


UH WHAT???? What man in his right mind is going to drop 8 kids, and he did drop them because last time I checked they were married and she didn't decide to have children alone, expects his wife to do everything alone? For gods sake it's 8 kids, 8! One is tiring enough. When he said this outof place and chauvinistic remark my jaw dropped. This manchild has 8 children and he's running around like a spoiled rich kid that doesn't have a kid (oops i mean care) in the world. If he wasn't ready for children everyone outside his head is the last to know. Its not like his children were one night stand mistakes, they took planning and thousands of dollars to fertility doctors to have those children, so why is he shocked by the responsibility that follows having a large family? His actions in the media have shocked me and both parents are setting their children up for disaster.

He is a classic example of a deadbeat dad and a good example of how not to be a father. Now I'm sure he loves his children, but if he had half a brain he would know having a large family was going to be a full time and hopefully fulfilling job that he should be thankful to do because they are HIS offspring. I didn't know I'd have to change diapers... what an idiot!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Good hair? So they SAY they like it natural



Ok, I did a nice little experiment with my hair recently. In light of Chris Rock's new movie (which I'm taking my time to see, might just be a blockbuster night, and I have my reasons for that!) But I digress, for the past six months or so I've been wearing my hair in kinky twist, with some extra hair for length. Loving the look, and the ease for me. I do my own hair, including braiding extensions and braids are more tiresome to do than kinky twist. Last year after perming and cutting my hair to a Rihanna cut after 5 years of natural, I decided I wanted my nice healthy curly hair back (I see why I havent done dreads, I change my damn mind too much), so in a few more years I'll be satisfied, maybe, lol.

I've got a nice fro going on outside the twist, it's actually quite large and seems to draw some unwanted attention when I wear it. I look a bit like Angela Davis with it, and I for certain get treated differently when I wear it out. I never hear the word "sista" as much as when I'm froing it. My best friend is wearing her fro, and I'm seeing them out more and more. My boyfriend says he loves the fro, and prefers it. So a few weeks ago I decided to take out the twist, fro it up for a bit. And I noticed a little shift in his attraction to me. It was weird and I could tell it was because of the fro. I don't want to get into too many details (you can pretty much guess) but after I put my twist back in that attraction seemed to come back. Now ladies, wtf could be going on here? He SAYS he likes it natural, loves the fro, but prefers the twist with extra hair? I haven't mentioned it to him because I can see it is purely subconscious. Are men that love sista's conditioned to say they like certain things, when they really want what everyone else is going after? Most of the women in that movie are avid weave-wearears and perm-getters. Is our hair still taboo? What do you do when the man you're with says one thing, but his subconscious actions speak perm and weave volumes? Ahhhhhhh why is this still an issue????!!!! I just want to shave it all off.



Friday, October 23, 2009

Been a while but I'm back.... with My Traveling Hoe

It has been a while... I have been busy with school and work but now I am back. Yes I am back. & I am officially grown as people say. My birthday was two weeks ago and I am now 21 years old. Being 21 has made me realize a lot of things; 1. I am getting old 2. I need to finish school 3. I still want to have kids before I am 26. I set that age back because at first I didn't want to wait till I was 24. But now I pushing it back to two years. But I am also learning that things don't always happen as planned. Lately I have been talking to much older guys. I now refuse to date anyone under my age, I prefer 24, 25 and up. But it's very interesting because I remember i one of my old posts I had said that I thought older men were more mature and don't necessarily play games. The mature part is true but playing games is worse. Older men are just way better at the game than younger men are. Recently I was at school and I stumbled across a nice looking man. I don't want to put him out their but he was not bad looking he was dark-skinned, clean cut, tall, and had a great smile. So, I meet him at school, he was their doing petitioning for his job I assume, and he asked for my number and I said well I filled out my name and number on the application and if you really want to talk to me give me a ring. Which he did two days later. So on and on we have been talking, he seems like a genuine guy, but something started getting fishy because he was too genuine, you know that saying if it's good to be true than he probably is... Well I have come up with an assumption that he might be secretly married, now don't get me wrong I am not judging, overreacting, but their was something too perfect about this guy to actually be a man. lol I came up with this conclusion just a few weeks ago, he would do little things like call me early in the morning or late at night, Mainly TEXT. Or their was a time which I laugh at whenever I think about it. He had told me he was in his bed laying down relaxing we was talking for a while than their was noise which sounded like someone was getting into the car, but He said that it was his alarm and he would call me right back. Than recently he told me he was renting out a room by a woman who wasn't charging him as much (HINT), I was like okay I guess, so I let him talk more just to hear what else he had to say than he told me that the woman he was staying with let's him use her car. (RED FLAG). I don't know about y'all but to me if a woman is going to let a grown man live with her for cheap rent so to say and let him use her car, he has to be sleeping with her. I mean unless they are play brother play sister, or really good friends. He doesn't even know this woman and kept telling me that she was just being nice. I, personally would never do that just because a lot of men today seem to have this theory that woman are supposed to take care of them like they are still babies. lol I find it very funny. I keep telling myself why do I keep talking to this guy when I know he's a liar, and I'm pretty sure he is married or has a girlfriend or whatever. That's when I came to the conclusion, My handsome crush of a man is unfortunately a traveling hoe. Now what is traveling hoe. A traveling hoe is a man who goes from city to city or state to state, feeds young woman(by the way he's 27) all their bullshit game about being this perfect guy who doesn't do anything wrong into falling for their bullshit lies. Than down the line, he gets whatever he wants; sex, money, whatever and than disappears but still calls you from time to time. What does every else think?

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

An ex love lost.....

What happens when your ex whom you were fighting to get a divorce from dies?
Today I found out my ex husband has passed away. Technically we were still married but we were in a long process of getting our divorce. He was out of the country and due to our great nation no military person can be served divorce papers while on a mission. We hadn't seen each other since 3 months after our marriage in 2006 but for some reason the pain of this loss is still there. Why?

For years all I thought about was what pain he had put me through at the time of our separation and what a jerk he was but now that he is no longer around or present here in body and mind I see all the good times we had. This is a problem for me. I don't know why I feel this sadness because I can't even get a clear vision of what he looks like in my head. But I can still smell him, I can still feel his touch, and hear his voice telling me "Thats what I was missing." as he grabbed me in his arms after he was away for a few weeks.

I think it was easier to let him go when there was actually someone to let go. I never wanted him to be hurt and I never wanted anything bad to happen to him. Ok maybe a wish of something here and there may have appeared during an angry moment in our seperation but damn!

My point to writing this is to let all of you know to appreciate what you have. You may have someone who isn't doing exactly what you want them to do at that exact time or you may not be talking to someone you were close to for years over something that seemed to be big at the time but has now faded with the thought of "What were we mad about?" and the ill feelings from your pride is still proving to exist. All I can say to this is reach for happiness, reach for the good times that were spent, reach for the love that was felt and call that person and forgive. Look to the one in which whom you thought the love had faded and search for the love you still have for them within and show them.
Now I don't have a chance to call and talk about what happened, now I don't have the pleasure to say I forgive you, please forgive me.
I'm not saying to forget if you were hurt, all I'm saying is....forgive.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

A white homecoming queen at a HBCU? Is this a problem

What do you ladies think? Initially I do not think it is an issue, but perhaps historically some of us black people have had class, skin color and education divide us at HBCU's so this may just add fuel to a past fire? ( I did not attend an HBCU so I can't speak on this). Perhaps we can also be racist towards other people, race is not real, however culture and shared experiences do connect us as" black people". So, my big question is I wonder if this a media attempt to make blacks look racist?

http://http://www.trentonian.com/articles/2009/10/15/news/doc4ad692211779d813880636.txt

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Lift as we climb

There is a saying for women that we must life as we climb......now what does this mean to us. As women of color are we the worst critics of ourselves? This week I have heard many conversations where women of color attack other women of color for issues such as single motherhood, being the reason why men cheat, being single, economics and the list goes on. When will we learn to heal each other so the next generation can move forward. I sometimes think it is a rat race where we all want to be like the cosby show and if you don't make the cut with education and marriage you are excluded. We will protect some of the ill behaviors of some black man at all costs but leave our own sisters like meat to be devoured. We will blame these black women for the economic, social and political problems we face in America as black people(many new problems of these past 25 years). You are not able to dress up a pig and call it something else, it is still a pig, but maybe we need to start using love, community and change to transform these problems in our community., we need to be women of restoration using the truth to love and to dream....instead we bring out the old whip like the ol masta and further enslave our minds with self hate, self doubt, and uselessness, how can you plant the seeds of new growth without grace and of course with good honesty as well, what happened to true sisterhood? If anything, maybe this lack of sisterhood itself further leaves us excluded and we play into the hands of those with ill will who want to exploit us further by applying these non truths about real life situations.....

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Are we expected to be abused?

I am not talking to our wonderful black males that love and respect women. I do think that the emotional and physical abuse of black women is expected. I also think when black women get into a relationship we have to lower ourselves more than other women in order to keep our man. Once again I am not talking about women with good black men. I am speaking to an overall trend. I wonder if black women are abused more than other groups? now of course all women face gender issues! This is no joke. But here in America, I think black women either are abused by staying with a black man that does not value her, or she has to do live with the idea of being alone. Let us do a quick survey, based on other non black women, how many are married right now? Also, let us compare stories, we all have stories we heard from friends. How many of these non black women had to put up with the same bullshit.

Halle Berry had to go white....

Okay, so why are all the top black actresses single in hollywood. We have Sanaa Lathan, Nia Long, Kerry Washington and the list goes on. Now Obviously these women are gorgeous. No one is perfect, but deep down what makes us unable to be marriage material. This past weekend, Lamar Odom married a non white woman in less than a month. Also Kobe himself is not married to a black woman. Okay let us look beyond sports, other than Obama , the President, how many black men in the public eye are with sista's? Also, why is this isssue ignored? Now this is not a bitter black woman , but a confused one. If everyone was dating because of personality, I would expect to see someone with a chocolate sista by chance? I hate to get deeper, but when a black man does marry in hollywood, this woman may not even have medium to dark skin. I am sorry to have to go there, I know we all have relatives that are lighter, we may be lighter, and this does not make us less black, because deep down we are still human. I just had to get this out there, and I thought having a black first lady would help change the self hate but I am unsure if this will be enough. Once again, marry who you love, this is our human right. HOWEVER, when there is a trend to ignore a group of women from this human experience, something is wrong. We hear so many statistics about HIV in the community, and this may stem to the lack of respect black women are shown. However, no one comments on the relationship between HIV rates, and how us black women are viewed in regards to marriage. I would not be surprised if this rate is connected to the unavailability of men who respect us? So if Halle Berry, the so called most beautiful black women loses her hearing to a black man, and marries a cheater and has to eventually be with a white man, where do we go from here?

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Date Help101

Ok, so 6'10 brother could not drive halfway to meet up for the first date. Better yet, he lived like 20 miles away sort of, or maybe 15. What is really good? I have a feeling if If was white or Latina, or Asian or anything not black he would have drove from here to the moon. Even more, in three weeks I would have a wedding like some women. The reality is this, many black men do not respect black women. Yes, there are good brothas out there no doubt, we LOVE YOU FELLAS!!! thanks for loving us, but we do have many punk brothas throwing trash at us. This was the first time, the first date and this brotha wanted me to drive where he lived....... in the words of Marvin Gaye, what is going on? Am I doing too much to ask him to meet up half way? I guess small men come in big packages...lol

Nonetheless, I deleted this man's number who is working on his M.B.A. , because even in this desert called LALA land, I will not make sand into water......I am not asking for much, just respect as a woman, but something about my color makes this so much harder compared to other women in America.

Is there a sign on my head saying "give me trash"? But on a positive note sista's keep our heads up to the sky, we are queens, and we can't give up our thrown. All of us work so hard in this American society, we are just looking for some comfort and respect. The media may tell us to have ourselves, and even our own men may believe the lies, but God is real. WE ARE BEAUTIFUL! It is time to stand by our standards of not perfection, but respect, comfort and care, WE DESERVE THIS!


:-)

Monday, September 21, 2009

Breaking up is hard to do... on Facebook

To piggy back off the posting about facebook... social networking and dating really does add another dimension to an already complicated life situation.

Facebook in particular has captured the downtime of millions of adults and in a sense has created a generation of cyber stalkers. People will sit for hours looking at others photos, I always imagine them in dark rooms sitting in their underwear.

Breaking up now also involves an online profile that ties you to that person, and once you go from being in a relationship to being single... look out! You'll get sympothy postings, comments, and depending on the situation perhaps a nasty note from the other parties friends.

Take this stuff with a grain of salt and remember to keep some things to yourself. We invite others into our world, but we need to remember that we have control of what people see on our virtural profiles. Sometimes its best to keep relationship information private instead of Facebooked.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

My sister did a sex tape and my engagemet is on cnn

My sister did a sex tape, I am engaged to a NBA ball player and this engagement is on CNN. These are just the facts, so what do you think?

SOUND OFF.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Social networking gone bad


Does facebook keep easy to be found by your ex? I have had like two people this summer email me on facebook. I love social networking, however, I hate it when people try to find you? Oh yeah I also hate it when people you went to high school with add you as a friend but never ever talk to you. How lame is that? Sometimes I feel like facebook is a way for lame people to stay all up in your business, for real. I wonder what will be the future consquences of this, most of all as we get older will deleting freinds become more common?

Let's Stay Together





Now, I do not know any of these people. But they bring up two interesting topics. The first topic is going to your ex husbands birthday party. Apparently Mashonda went to a bday for Swiss ( Alicia Keys threw for him). I think in my mind that when our parents back in the day stayed together for the kids, it makes sense. When you are trying to raise a family it is so hard to separate everything. I know this is the reality and this is were we are as a society. I am not saying it is wrong automatically or right but it makes me wonder. The grass looks greener but maybe folks need to stay in their own backyard. Now of course if your partner is abusive then you can't make it work. If a person does not want to love you and this person is mean I understand why you want to leave. But all marriages have problems? This is why the marriage oath says until death do you part. Now for Alicia, she has to look over her back all the time because this man left his wife and young baby for you. But once again I do not know the situation, I like Alicia as an artist but maybe sometimes we need to let a person cool off before we date them. If you met someone who was recently married or is still married, let them cool off a sec....
Now for Nas and Kelis, they separated this year. New reports are claiming they may be back together. Now I do not know what occurred in private but both individuals did not jump into relationships so quickly?
So do you think a person needs to wait before dating someone who is divorced? also how long? most of all based on the situation of black marriages should we maybe think more before we marry and can we afford the divorce route in our African American communities?

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Supporting Child Support


I'm the product of a fatherless home. Many of us are. And one issue growing up was of course child support. My mother raised me with no help from the man who left her to raise a kid on her own and when I hear about a man with a child, or children they don't support I get red with anger, theres never an excuse, period.

But this entry is all about the fathers who are damned if they do and damned if they don't when it comes to child support and a conspericy against black men.

It's well known that when it comes to fatherlessness, black families have the worst rates, it's been known for decades now. And now I've whitnessed fathers who are behind or don't pay child support put into jail for months at a time. So is this wrong or right? I usually like to play devils advocate, but in this instance I think jailing deliquent fathers is not the key to solving the child support problem. If it was left up to me, there would be prevention of conception period, especially for people who aren't ready for children like teens and financially unstable people. But alas, everyday there are unexpected preganacies and the babies are born, still little blessings. Somewhere along the way, thousands of men turn their backs on responsibility, and financially this can be devistating when raising a child. So the system has had the bright idea to jail these men. Causeing a chain reaction that ultimatly causes more pain for people. The men are jailed, which causes an inability to maintain employment, which causes an inability to pay child support, which causes more jail time. And with our black men being the highest statistic for child abandonment, this raises the numbers of our black men in jail tipping the scales for incarceration statistics.

So what is the solution? First of course is using your noodle and preventing pregnancy, http://www.americanpregnancy.org/preventingpregnancy/ if you cannot afford birth control, or cannot afford a child, do everything possible not to have one. It's worth it.

Second if there is a little 'surprise' the system should promote family togetherness, and encourage fatherhood and marriage. Especially in the inner city. Classes for young men, information, and a real life reality checks on the effects of a fatherless childhood. We should work to break the vicious cycles that are harming our people. And I really wish the young men, (and the old men who do the same thing) would just stop and THINK. In schools we SHOULD have sexual education, resources, and somewhere for teens to go. Because lets face it, we can turn our backs on it and deny it, but teens are sexually active. And more often than not they are active without proper information from parents and teachers.

For the deliquent fathers, instead of jail time, they should be forced to take parenting classes and job training if a job is the issue. Help not punishment is needed. How can a man maintain employment with a record? Hello, who's idea was it to make jail time okay.

I came to the realization that there are many reasons for fatherlessness, and although I wish there was something that could be done about it, it's still going to happen. So as Americans we should want to promote taking responsibility, fatherhood, and family. But maybe that's just me.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

When Old Meets new

Sigh, so I'm in a situation where an old fling meets the man that has my heart. I can't help but to feel kind of... well strange. There's always something odd about the people from the past, guys in particular. Ladies we all know that after doing the "do" men act strange towards you. So it's no wonder that when they see you happy with someone else, theres a weird tension thats going to be very very, visible. I suppose I shouldn't feel strange, he had his chance and chose the latter. I am now happy with my prince charming and have moved on completely. Too bad, so sad

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Health Care ASAP

Healthcare reform is important to all people and especially women of color such as ourselves!! We need to figure this stuff out ASAP!

Please add any info, this issue is hitting us hard.

http://www.kff.org/minorityhealth/7886.cfm

http://www.healthreform.gov/reports/seniorwomen/index.html

http://www.commonwealthfund.org/Content/Publications/Issue-Briefs/2009/May/Women-at-Risk.aspx

http://www.wellwoman09.org/materials/GWReport-CostBurdenofChronicIllnessFINAL.pdf

The First Lady of Hair

Our hair symbolically has deep meaning. Our hair relates to characteristics that enabled us to be labeled as property by Europeans. Our skin color and our exterior was used to differentiate ourselves from white people during slavery. We lived a colonial world that labeled anything dark as not beautiful. However, as people of African descent in the Americas we come in all shades and styles. Indeed some may seems the badge of dark skin as not favorable, however in the context of slavery, even our light skin shows how the master owned our female ancestors bodies. Nonetheless, whether you are dark as granite or light as paper, we all most likely have some ancestors of European descent. Remember, black women in America historically were made to breed and we were the sexual objects of the master( black men as well). However, we can all agree that human beings originated from the African continent. Th entire world is indeed children of the motherland. Now whether we keep our hair straight or curly is our own choice.The reasons why though will explain whether we have overcome the self hate brainwashing. If I make my hair straight because I like the style, this is understandable. If I feel my hair is ugly without this straightening process then this is a problem. Nonetheless, now that America is looking at us like never before it may be time we face some issues as people of African descent. I do feel however, that failed to mention that the root of the problem of self hate did not come from African slaves. I can imagine they loved their noses, hair and skin color.



http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1919147,00.html?iid=tsmodule

LA and SAN FRAN have the most sensitive men!

mmmmm, I am going to have to think about this one!

http://laist.com/2009/08/28/la_guys_are_sensitive.php

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

HOPE.......

I haven't written in a few months because I've been nursing this heart that has been burst to almost nothing. I not only almost lost faith in love but I also almost lost faith in humanity. Could human beings be so cruel, so sweet but so cruel? Why do people cry out to be loved but when they get the love they seek its not reciprocated. I have to say if I didn't have true love for self I would have completely lost it.


Here's what happened:
I had to leave the country to work on a film. A 20 day shoot and when I sent the last email to him and there was no response I knew something was wrong. I didn't let it get to me because I had to focus on work. When I returned back to the states I found out he moved out of his place and in with a new woman. Then he had nerve to want to be my friend. And of course with me being the one with all the love and no love in return says, "Ok, its cool, I hope and wish you happiness." We texted on occasions to check on each other. He's loved up with some new woman, and I'm home trying to pretend everything is fine, digging myself deeper into a whole of despair. I have to admit, when he texted me my world got brighter and I was able to breathe. But quickly it turned to pain and the darkness overwhelmed me again. I couldn't let it get to anger because too many layers would drive me insane.

About 4 weeks went by when he called me and said he needed to talk. Of course I ran with arms and soul open. I picked him up and he finally explained his actions. He said, "There was something about her. I thought because we were both from the same back ground and we both came to the states at the same time we would have a lot in common. But I was wrong. She has structure which is what I need but she also wants to control me and doesn't believe in me." Now, I'm listening to this and my hopes are gathering and my heart opened with great love for the universe. I thought this was it. This is awesome. My birthday was the next day and he spent the whole night partying with friends and drinking and talking about old times. We had a wonderful time. Being with him was like nothing ever changed. We didn't have sex, which was a first for me but we did have a good chat. He was saying he was going to leave her and find his own place again. I then realized he was full of shish and just went on with our conversation as nothing.

About a week later we were scheduled to go to Vegas to celebrate both of our birthdays and he called and said he made up with her and he was going to try and work it out. He then said something that almost ended my faith in love, he said, "I think she is the ONE." The ONE? Was he Fing kiding me? I just knodded my head and told him I had to go. I later wrote him a poem:

"I wanted to tell you at the moment you requested me to say something. I wanted to say something when you said the words that shattered my world. I wanted to say it as the moonlight shown in on my tears as I thought your last words to myself over and over, telling myself its not over, it can't be over. When I felt your heart racing against my breast in our first embrace, when you first felt the kiss from my soul, even though I wasn’t there. But mostly I wanted to say it the last night I saw you, as you held me in your arms, looking down at my precious face knowingly looking up at you. Still inside my soul, quiet, motionless, but so inside me. I wanted so badly to tell you that…..the words each time graced my lips like an impostor. Only to fall away like some great blizzard that was taken out to sea to rain its fury on the dark ocean, alone, unbeknownst to any hearing. I pray that you can hear them for what they are, feel them for what they are, and not mar them with the knowledge that they stand apart from your ability to reciprocate them. Please take them in your heart, feel them with your eyes closed and your soul open for just a moment. My voice speaking them softly in your ear, with a kiss. When you smile, when your head lightly moves to the song that reminds you of me, when your tongue finds my lips, when you ramble over a glass of wine, when you act boldly, when you laugh, when you squeeze my hand, when you call my name in a whisper, when your heart races on my chest in a close embrace, when you love me. What I’m sad about is selfish. I’m sad at G-d’s timing. I’m only a woman and as a woman I miss you. I miss you terribly. I miss your kiss. I miss your smile, ooohhhh how I miss your smile. But most of all I miss the moment that hasn’t happened yet. The moment when we let ourselves fall for each other. What makes it hard for me is knowing how much you cared for me, how much in a way you do love me. How much you would enjoy smiling wryly as you hurled yourself backwards off the cliff and said “catch me baby”. If I didn’t know that, I could make you a villain, me a victim, and soothe myself. But I can’t because it isn’t the truth. The truth we both know; the truth is “not today”. I know we're not ready for each other and you can't make your self love me. I wouldn’t want you to. I also know you would never fly a million miles just to see me smile at you. Someday maybe, but not today. So I guess I better disappear. I know you are okay and soon I will be too. And maybe, just maybe, if G-d so desires….a day will come when as friends we will find ourselves accidentally strolling along the white cliffs of Dover or the mountain rocks of Mendocino or sitting on the clear ocean beaches of Fiji or the bonny emerald north of the Scottish Seaboard or the glistening harbor of Old New York and from the heights in the stars, amongst the angels whose arms will cradle us, in a moment neither of us was told about but knew like our oldest happiness, we will look into each other’s eyes and know…..it is today. It is today. And whether that day is tomorrow, or next week, or next year, or next lifetime. I, your beautiful disaster, will finally get to tell you to your sweet face…the face that I will miss more than I could ever tell…that…I love you. I love you. Ohhh baby I love you. And you’ll smile wryly, close your eyes, say “catch me baby”, and fall and choose me."

I wrote this and listened to
Rootless Tree
by Damien Rice over and over again


What I want from you
Is empty your head
They say be true
Don't stain your bed
We do what we need to be free
And it leans on me
Like a rootless tree
What I want from us
Is empty our minds
We fake a fuss
And fracture the times
We go blind
When we've needed to see
And it leans on me
Like a rootless...
So fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
And all we've been through
I said leave it, leave it, leave it
It's nothing to you
And if you hate me, hate me, hate me
Then hate me so good that you can let me out
Let me out of this hell when you're around
Let me out, let me out,
Let me out of this hell when you're around
Let me out, let me out
What I want from this
Is learn to let go
No not of you
Of all that is old
Killers reinvent and believe
And this leans on me
Like a rootless...
So fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
And all we've been through
I said leave it, leave it, leave it,
It's nothing to you
And if you hate me, hate me , hate me,
Then hate me so good that you can let me out, let me out, let me out
Let me out of this hell when you're around
And fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
And all we've been through
I said leave it, leave it, leave it
It's nothing to you
And if you hate me, hate me, hate me
Then hate me so good that you can let me out
Let me out, let me out, let me out, Hell when you're around...(Repeat 4x)
Let me out, let me out, let me out...
It's hell when you're around
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlnpedLeGbo

Yeah, I was done torturing myself. At least that's what I thought. He called me and said we could never not be friends because we are connected, actual kindred spirits. And he needed me once again. I went to see him and we hung out all day and had a wonderful time. He talked about his problems and I sat a listened like a good woman in love with someone who doesn't love her back. He said he never has a great time with anyone else like he does with me. Its good being the buddy. I guess. Now I'm just waiting for whats next. I'm at the point were my yo yo string is about to break if I'm not there already. I care for him deeply but maybe we were not meant to be in this life time or any. At least this is how I feel now until he calls me again.

I'm beginning to not enjoy Love. It seems as I get older its more complicated. When I was younger I was in love and then out of love and then off to the next one. Now it seems to be deeper more intense and real. The pain is still the same it just last longer. I refuse to let any of this jade me from the feelings I will have for someone who will one day appreciate my love. I can't. All I can do is hope. What will I do without hope?...((((((smiles)))))))

Monday, August 31, 2009

Dating

What ever happened to the guy asking you out and than picking you up, getting something to eat and than maybe a movie after words. It seems that in my generation. This does not exist. I can't say for all but its rare to find a guy to take you out and expect you not to pay for the meal. I try and stay as humble as possible so that I shy away from the negative aspects of dating and look at the positive. Ladies we know what we want we want to be wined and dined. We want to feel good and treated like we are special. I'm about to b 21 in two months and no I haven't given up on black men, but I am starting to talk to older men when I say I older I mean 25 and up because it just seems to me I can barely talk to someone who is my age. Why because a lot of the young men don't have much sense, their immature, and most importantly they don't have their $H%T together. It seems like everyone wants to be a player still and as for me, I guess I should be that way because I'm very young but I've done that and it gets old. Real old. So going to start trying this dating thing out for a change with men 25 and up I want to see differences

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Could OCTOMOM be black?


Could we see a black Ocotomama? There are so many planned parenthood stations everywhere in urban and rural areas where many low income black communities are located. Often as a community I think we see children as being bad rather than the black men who leave these babies as the real culprits. If you married a man, loved him, dated him, or better yet slept with him, you probably thought you two had some type of future. Today still , black women are treated 3/5 human. In other words a white woman getting knocked up has a better chance of marrying the father of the child or remarrying a way better guy. Let us be real, whether you are a supermodel or a plain jane you have a better chance of having a really good stepdad if you are a white woman. In comparison, a sista with just one child that looks beautiful as ever( and of course we look great in all shapes and shades ) may never even have a chance? Better yet, this black sista with one child or even more will be marked with the Scarlett letter from her own black sista's and black men, and even more the non black mainstream America. This is what we mean that the black woman is only 3/5 human still in our society. She is unable to chose the path of being treated like most women are, she is unable to be treated like a gem, this is not seen as natural.So, as I look at Octomom, I wonder what would have happened if she was black? The idea of bringing 8 black babies in the world is real scary? I honestly believe the black family has been a target for decades. Our men have been brainwashed to hate us and thus hate himself. The black woman has also been scared to reproduce. Our children are seen as problems unless we are rich or upper middle class. A white single woman can have eight babies and no one will say she is a welfare queen, but a black mother going to a community college in need of a little public assistance is a demon?'Most of all black babies are the future of black America, and maybe we view them different within the context mainstream culture? I believe to a certain extent we are castrating the black woman symbolically to not produce a new generation( of course having kids does not make us, it is a choice ). Nonetheless,the seeds of self hate are not as visible like decades before, it is hard to push a button on it, but it begins with the defamation of our image in the media, our communities, in music, in politics, in economics. All of these things work to ensure we are handicapped as women and thus as mothers. Those who want to rise above these obstacles have to work ten times as harder than other women in our society. The mental stress we get from this situation can be annoying , especially when this stress is invisible to other groups of people and our own people.
So, when we see a black woman with a baby versus a white woman what comes to your mind first? There are recent reports today that a woman if GIVING BIRTH TO 12 BABIES?
WHAT IF OCTOMOM WAS BLACK?

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Do I need to be married to have a baby?


This is an age old society debate. Does a woman need to be married to raise a well rounded child that grows up to be a help not a hinderance to society? As I watch the women around me get older, focusing on careers, noone is anywhere near the isle. And with such slim pickings for a partner, it's no wonder women are starting to have babies and raise them on their own, on purpose. Who says a child in a two parent home is better off? There are plenty of screwed up people that have a mother and father present. I just finished watching a special on the octomom, and while I really don't agree with anything she's done, or how she is, I do support her choice to be a single mother. The biggest issue wasn't that she had 14 kids, its that she had them out of wedlock. So what is she supposed to do? Add a man to the mix and flood her life with yet another person that is child like? She's better off with the nannies and herself, I believe. If I were to get to a point, and find myself not on the path to a white gown, I don't believe my choice for motherhood should be jeoperdized.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Late night free thought

Alrighty, so I was thinking, as Black Women are we punished or reprimanded for being independent. I am not talking about being mean or cruel. I am saying that we as women of color have no choice to just get what we want out of life. There is no silver spoon in our mouths. Even if your parents have some " money" you have to be educated and/or accomplished. There is more pressure on us to work more regardless of socioeconomic status. Guess what, for a black women to even get welfare she has to do more than a non black person, lol, I know this sounds funny but it is true. So this watchdog that is on us, how do we cope. As much as I pray etc, I live with this sense of will society and my enviroment allow me to just be me. We are either seen as empty headed women shaking our butts, or angry women without reason. As I go to bed tonight, I once again must affirm, hey I am fine, I am doing my best, this is a problem in society. As much as we look beautiful, learn so much, enjoy so much, at the end of the day, the message of treating black women better has to become NOT OUR PROBLEM. The only problem we now face is to communicate this message to young women in our lives. I now see that having a Black President may get us too comfortable. Last night I was watching a movie on the Black Panthers, I thought of so many that died the past 400 years, and I said to myself, have we lost something. A while back Bill Cosby had a rant about the " black community", I look around sometimes and wonder is he right? Are we forced as people of color to stripe away are blackness whenever possible ? The very thing we need we give away. I see our history and culture like a home, a place we must come to when we encounter the obstacles in mainstream America. Even though we have Barack Obama, we must remember he had to outperform his competitors by a landslide. He also realized he needed the support of the African American community, so he went to Chicago and was active in a Black Church. He has always been an activist for human beings period, but he knew he had to be apart of a black community as well. So is this our gift and curse? We as black women are robbed of our femininity to some extent, we are forced to defend ourselves most of the time, we can either become angry or bitter, or we can be the butterfly that goes into the sky into what we want to be? the big question here is if we are able to land, able to rest, in our own country, our own cities, and our own communities?

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Kim and Reggie split




Are we really surprised? I mean really?

Sunday, August 2, 2009

A History of Black Home Ownership in Urban Areas

This discusses historically some of the issues concerning African American home ownership. I think some of the problems we face today are rooted in this inequality of access to financial institutions. As African American women we have to work twice as harder(or ten times), sometimes we are the only head of household, or for whatever reason looking for our mates, and this issue seems to cripple us even more than other groups. I now realize how I must learn about this green stuff called money in America. We are talking about the Gates issue this past week, but issues such as health care reform and owning property are specific ways problems become larger for us as African American women. Well when it comes to owning property and investments I have a long way to go, but looking at the history and current problems more accurately can help me overcome some of these conditions in the near future. I myself plan to own a piece of America too. I plan to teach my daughter as much as possible about how certain things were set up, and how she can bypass these issues with good planning.....




The Tavis Smiley Show

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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Where Is The Black Bachelor?


So tonight I'm watching the second show centered around plus sized people, it's called More to Love, a man is choosing a wife from 20 plus sized women. Cool, I'm not mad at it. Then I thought about the other 'bachelor' type shows. And thought about the faces on those shows... and you know what, this show formula is lacking color big time.

Actually, I take that back, because if you turn to VH1 you'll find a buffet of women of color acting like absolute fools, usually for a C list celebrity who would never marry them.

So where is the black bachelor? It's way beyond time. Would it be too controversial? Are there not any great eligible black bachelors that date women? Is the consensus America would not want to watch an african american dating show? I'm confused.

Made like Diamonds

In our lives we may have encountered stereotypes and obstacles, but beyond these circumstances, what has been the source of strength for us? I remember someone told me that our history was not just about oppression but also about resistance and creativity. We have soul and progress running through our veins. Often we hear that it is church, our mothers, and loved ones, but deep down what do we mean by this. Also is there something more occurring when we become the confident accepting women we are in life. I believe in God, but sometimes I think we may use Religion and Churches as a way to escape our problems rather than using it to empower us? So beyond the stereotypical sources of strength is there more working to sustain us and give birth to so many awesome black women. Yes, nothing is perfect, but I have to admit, when I look at my friends I am impressed. I see how we make rocks into diamonds. Just look around, you probably see these diamonds working and shining.

So how did you become the Diamond you are? What are the strengths?

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Can you pass the tea?

Okay, so when watching BlackNAmerica, one segment was about an upscale ball in the mid atlantic region of the US. While I was watching this show, I noticed how uppity this Black Psychiatrist was acting. I said to myself, with some many issues affecting the mental health of individuals in the black community, we sure as heck did not need a uppity psychiatrist to address these issues. Then again, does she even have a responsibility to do so? But my mind became to wonder.... the issues affecting upper class in the BlackNAmerica series was the surprise that money did not equate with acceptance from mainstream society. So the question is, with the Henry Louis Gates Incident, was this also a class issue. In other words, when pookie and them are riding the train in Oakland and get shot, we may not react the same way. I mean pookie should have put his hand up, but Henry Louis Gates Jr, a harvaaaaaaard Professor has different expectations. After the incident Henry Louis Gates Jr. mentioned that if this situation could happened to him, what about the " other folks " in America.

P.S. One more thing, Henry Louis Gates Jr. was married to a white woman and divorced her, to marry another white woman. Just some little F.Y.I., poor President Obama caught up in this mess all last week, mmm, now that I think about it, if he was going to be " The BlackBerry Obama", I wish he would have used his get out an act "black card" another time, because he probably can only do this once!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Is the Black Man our Precious baby?


Here is my vent. I have been looking around and noticing our stereotypical roles. The black woman creates the problems in our community. The black man is the result of the problem. For example, black women get themselves pregnant and the black man as a result is trapped. Another example, black women are unable to raise children, so our communities are suffering because of single black mothers. This is why black men are in jail.The black woman is expected to do so much more than a black man. I am wondering our the roles reversed here. The black woman has to set the table the black man can choose to eat on. He can chose to marry us, remain married to us, or leave us for a white/asian/latina woman. In the world he deals with racism, but he still can be seen as some sexual god that all woman want. If he is successful, great, he now is a successful black man, he is still a threat, but a successful black woman will deal in a comparable position will deal with much more period. He might be seen as an animal to the media at times, but deep down there is some freaky fascination with him, that at times he can use to his advantage, like or not. He can carve a place for himself in white America as the super smart guy, the diddy mogul or the great sports player.Whereas the black woman, even to our own families and communities remains a silenced target. Black men openly talk about how horrible we are to other races. Black men in high profile positions are not really married to black women. I have also had so many women tell me ( non-black women), why black men do not want to be with us. Can you believe that, other groups tell me why I do not have a man, lol, okay back to the topic though, so as much a we want to support the black man, have we as black women done enough? we have held up so much during slavery? we were there f0r him after slavery until civil rights? Maybe we need to ween him off our breast, because we are killing ourselves trying to feed this BLACK PRECIOUS BABY.When will we stop being the target and most of all maybe it is time for the black man to start protecting us like he is suppose to? To be a black woman in America is like a target, like or not, this is how it is, and it is time that we start within our community to demand respect. A couple years back, a group of ladies at Spelman College protested Nelly for showing black women in a sexist and oversexualized manner. At the time, I kind of blew it off, I said to myself that "those ladies" wanted to look like that so this is not my problem. However, now that I am older, I see the power of images.Yes, we can't control everything in the media, it is a free country, but maybe like those Spelman girls, it is time for us to openly point out people who try to defame us, disrespect us, and tell society who we are whenever possible. Jewish people do it all the time, you say something about Jews in the media and your but is theirs. I kind of like that mentality. We need that mentality too, all of us beautiful black women need to graciously say, " he this is not us, no thanks" and do this with a smile and like the queens we are. In this wanna be, but not really post racial America, we have to keep pressuring our own men to stop the BS and lift up our black men that are supporting us. I told a coworker one day how hard it is for a black woman to find a black man, guess what she told me, she said back in the day, black women were not having that and black men were put in their place. However,now a black man can always run away into the wonderful arms of mainstream post civil rights America that will say, it was okay to treat that black woman like shit, she was nothing anyways. Even our own families will not pressure a black man to raise up. Black women are held 100%, not 50 % for broken families and relationships, and at times the black man gets off scotch free. In other words, society will note the lack of black men in our community, but the REASON will be because of that BLACK WOMAN. The black women that was so "loud" and "angry". We need to have our own community detox of the BS when it comes to our treatment. I have a feeling so many black women are thinking, what can I do better? Honey, most of us have done enough, we really have...Now it is time to put the mirror back onto society, and say hey, you be the target now. ....sorry I had to put the black man in the ringer for a second, so if any fellas reading this, I am not attacking the black man, I am attacking the roles that exist, I want to be honest on this blog so if anyone disagrees please put your reply in. We need to make sense of some serious issues here, so the feedback will only shed more light. I am curious to see what you all think. Is the Black Man our Precious Baby that we feed day to day? Or better yet, society makes us accountable for his mess. This action only further takes away him manhood, and our womanhood.

P.S. Clean it up, Clean it Up!

Economic Independence a must


“At the bottom of education, at the bottom of politics, even at the bottom of religion, there must be for our race economic independence.” - Booker T. Washington


Recent events this week made me revisit our man Booker T. Washington. Some ideas he discussed decades ago are becoming more clearer to me today. When I look at shows such as BlackNAmerica, I see people that economic independence is the best thing. Higher education always seems like the high road we should take her in America. We want to prove our intellect to the USA. At the same time, maybe we need to expand the simple things we can do as African Americans, and as women. By doing these simple things, and supporting each other while we create our own community independence may be a better investment than sending a black kid to Harvard. At the end of the day, that black kid will fight to gain access at that fortune 500 company, or Law Firm, or Production Company etc., maybe we are wrong with our approach in America. We need to go back to self sufficiency. Our freedom is not just about sitting at the front of the bus, but the ability to realize our dreams, and also to realize our dreams without killing ourselves in the process because of stress. So maybe, we need to look at our history of resistance, what did blacks do before the civil rights to survive and support each other. The incidents of the President being forced to apologize for suggesting racial profiling exists is opening my eyes. Even more Sonya Sotomayor has had to denounce her Latina heritage. These examples show us that America may not accept us 100%. On another note, are there two extremes in black empowerment where many blacks in higher education go on to assimilate into white culture, seeking some type of approval by main stream america ( wanting to break down barriers) and the other side is on welfare, struggling and getting by ? If so, then I think we need to expand the group that is in the middle, we need to work with other Americans but sustain our independence. So many other ethinic groups do this, but why cant we?After the civil rights, ther were people such as J Edgar Hoover that intefered with our progress. African aMeriacns have naturally resisted and progressed, but now the line is lost and we are losing our identiy in 2009. We have always had great talent in the words of Spike Lee, and he is right we need more control over this talent.Furthermore, there has been recent incidents that are now questioning affirmative action? We African Americans may have to create a stronger safety net for ourselves in society. So once again, at the base of these disparities in our community, where do you see economic independence as part of the solution?

Friday, July 24, 2009



Okay, I've tried to stay away from this one, even making jokes about the situation, but being a woman it's unavoidable to discuss. The Chris Brown apology, nicely scripted and he's speaking very clearly, but as the daughter of an abused parent I'll never support him again. Everyone has their opinions, and this is most definitley mine. He's in the public eye and rather he likes it or not, he's an example. The results of his 'rage' were astounding and something a hedious person would do, I mean biting? What grown as person bites in a fight? Thats seeing red, no holds bar, I want to make sure you suffer for the rest of your life rage. I hope he gets the help he needs, because theres a very, very, very, very high chance he'll do it again... no matter how he says sorry. If you've ever seen an abusive man, than you know.

Good Hair


I may have to check this film out?

IS MADEA OUR FRIEND OF FOE?





Alright, I remember I saw my first Tyler Perry play somewhere in the midwest 2004. I was a junior in college, and I loved the show. It was summer time. When I first saw the show, I was impressed by his talent. I was so able to relate to many of these characters in his play. I laughed and I also cried at the same time while eating some good you know what barbecue. Anyways, we have seen this successful man grow. This new growth has also widened his audience. So many of the jokes that were between us black folks is now open to the public. So does Mr. Tyler have to change his Madea now because it is in front of our cousins. Or was it bad from the start? Even more, are we not able to laugh at our own " cultural humor". When do we cross the line. In comparison to other black directors( Let's leave Spike Lee out with this comparison, he is in another plane when it comes to style and focus) , is Perry all that bad, or are we riding him a little to rough? At the same time, what does Madea mean to us? Is his success at the expense of the black woman?

SOUND OFF

Thursday, July 23, 2009

I'm going to play the devils advocate




The debate on this is getting heated. I'm the first to back up my brothers when it comes to the boys in blue. But I'm thinking this may have been a case of the race card being licked and stuck to a person's forehead. When I get pulled over, and I get pulled over alot because I have a led foot, I have learned not to say one damn word to any officer, all I think is I'll see you in court, because 90% of those (I wanna use so many words I really don't like cops, no matter their race, but I digress)cops are one word away from pulling a trigger. They are overinflated and can't wait for a confrontation. So I think Mr. Gates calling the man a racist was indeed a mistake because all he did was give that man fuel. Let the stupid cop do what he do and know that you're a prominent Harvard professor and this man will indeed pay. I don't know, what do you think?

America's new Surgeon General is too fat?


So, our weight has been issue, I will not pretend, for many women of color this is a HUGE problem. However, we have to realize that we are not white women. We have different bodies. If American society is expecting us to be like Kate Moss, she can keep waiting ( notice I said she). Anyways, I do understand that many women of color also face different stresses, some us may also be more likely to be working twice as hard so we are unable to go to the gym every damn day. Bottom line, yes soul food will make you fat, and we need to walk more, but EVERYONE IN AMERICA needs to stay healthy. When looking at our new surgeon general, I see a regular size woman, yeah she is not slim and trim like a model, but I do not think she is OBESE! Notice how the author said " FAT BLACK WOMAN". Also, notice how the author looks himself. Anyone want to send some complaint letters? Furthermore, statements such as this should be condsidered slander. Even more, if we want to talk about ethics, a curvy black woman is not the problem. The real problem are all the damn doctors who do not want to serve people her shade! Thank you very much.


http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31928335/ns/health-health_care/

Monday, July 20, 2009

Me, My and I



When BEYONCE came out with this song I did not really think nothing of it. But it all makes sense when you listen to it. It seems no matter how much a woman can put into a relationship or how much she tries. She still has "me, my and i". Why is this not good enough for woman at my age in their 20's? How come we want to get in a serious relationship so young? I've thought long and hard but really there was not much to think about it's simple. I am single simply because I need to focus on me. I figure You'll never loose men chasing after money but you will loose money chasing after men. Although I've had different guys my age tell me ... don't you get lonely being by yourself? My answer is no to them because I feel a lot of men my age are too immature and they become a distraction for me in my life. But on the flip side of sometimes I will get lonely but is it worth all the drama at the age I am at right now? Especially when marriage is out of the question in the relationship... no it's not worth the drama and it's not worth my time. I try not to be negative about relationships. Because I know that one day there is going to be someone out there for me. Who has everything together with themselves and never really has to find a way to empty out my pockets. Therefore right now as of this month and maybe this year it just might be "Me, Myself and I".

Sunday, July 19, 2009

CONFESSIONS OF A MANAHOLIC

Confession#11 When I'm single, I want my friends to be single.

Why? Because misery loves company. If you've done this (and most of you have) your girl complains about the man, and instead of encouraging the relationship, you point out the many faults, than congratulations you're a woman. It's not a terrible thing, it is to the person you're giving wayward advice to, but it's just simply human nature. If this person is truly your friend, take a deep breath and hope to keep them on a path to being truly happy with the one they love (if its a healthy relationship, and you know the difference). Even if it means being a bridesmaid for the fifth time. Don't worry your day will come.

Black In America 2




Sigh, another viewing of Black in America. I'm not sure about you, but I felt the first one didn't really give a... how shall I say it... resolution. It was more like other races could gather around their television and watch the discovery channel on a race of people. I guess its because I don't like problems or issues being pointed out with no solution. Perhaps if they do an Asian in America, or an Indian in America I will be satisfied knowing someone is looking at ALL races and not just one. We'll never be able to look beyond the black white relationship with the media embedding it into our minds. I think as an American from other backgrounds I would be offended that Americans don't think I'm important enough to get a series on CNN. But I get it, in the first installment I walked away with, the black woman is doing well, dating outside her race, going to college and not holding on to the promise of having a black family, and the black male might as well be six feet under the ground. I don't know about you, but thats what I got watching the father in jail talk about the kids he know he has but doesn't support. Sigh, I'll watch in a few day and form another opinion on this circus CNN is creating, especially now that our president is black.

What do you think about her reports?