Monday, December 21, 2009

Do African American women have to give up more to be with someone?


Okay, we already know some of the grime statistics of finding a African American male partner. If we also try to date outside our race, we also have to sometimes face racism there as well. I do think that dating outside our background is important because we are all people regardless of color. However, the bigger issue of value and racism comes to mind when I think of how much I may have to give up to be with someone. I am limited in my choices. Yes, I can overcome these limitations and I do believe with faith( and acts of courage) I can find my true partner. Nonetheless, if I am a fish and dating is my sea..... how do I create a boundary between being to eager to swim in okay waters when I can have some better waters....does this makes sense? A stereotype that comes to my mind is the angry " ghetto" screaming black woman. This stereotype is the representation of how historically and even presently we are all put into a box of inequality as women of color. We are put into a box of racism and sexism all at the same the time. I also think African American communities have a huge division when it comes to class. Many of us in higher positions either want to forget racism exists or we want to justify why many blacks have bad life outcomes. Alright, so with all this said, we have to be careful to not settle for just anything. Sometimes our expectations are very low. The media or mainstream people will want us to believe that " educated" black women have too high of standards and this is why we are single. I am sorry, the reality is we are mules to our black men and sometimes cartoons to non-black men. Many of our black men have sold us out. In California I rarely will see a black man push a stroller for a black woman. A friend of mine told me how in the mid Atlantic is so easy to see a black man with a black baby? The real solution is not for us to be angry, that will never ever help, but we must also remain hopeful. I heard another woman say that "all men cheat", now the media may show every famous black man sticking his love everywhere but that is not necessarily true for ALL black men. We must still expect a man to not cheat, we must still expect a man to support us with his heart, we must expect him to not be perfect, but we can expect him to be a soldier for us and to protect us ....because that is what we do deserve like every other woman. We also have to guard our hearts, what a burden? we are exploited, and this is the reality, a man who knows the social conditions of our situation will have to be a man of his word because we have to guard our bodies and souls. There is a reason we have high HIV rates, single mothers and forms of abuse -------------> racism and sexism. We must speak truths to each other as women as well and not apply the racist stereotypes of causation to our own sisters! If we look at popular culture, we would think being the trash bags to men is normal and it is not. We also have to remember that education does not mean everything, a college educated man can dump you and leave you. In the end, we have to keep our hearts true to our ancestors and ourselves........we are all royalty. We deserve the realist love, a love that will make sure that we do not cry too long, a love that will always want to heal us, a love that will never want to break us, even if we may fight...... there is nothing perfect people, but as black woman I do think we have to straddle the line between loving with all our our hearts like we have done since the beginning of time....and finding the freedom to love, never being scared to fly to where we belong and also to stay where we do belong...