Summer love

Summer is the best time of the year (in my opinion) and theres no better time for dating, the weather's perfect, the days are bright and spirits are lifted.

If you're single, I recommend going out as much as possible. And if you go out an you can't understand why you cant get a date here are a few tips.

Be open!
Summer is a time for new beginnings. Relaxation and vacations, so anyone who's uptight should simply let themselves go. Do something you wouldn't normally do, buy a man a drink, flirt your ass off! Go for it, it's time for summer love. No uptight sistas here.


Take advantage of "Me Me Me"
Great weather is a perfect excuse for self improvement. Grab the girls and powerwalk through the park, if you live in a beach city, find a yoga group and watch the sunrise on the beach while getting in touch with your inner self. If you've been making excuses about getting in shape during the winter, there aren't any more in the summer! When we take care of ourselves and feel good about our selves, other people can feel it. You stand up straighter, you're skin is brighter, your smile is more radiant, and nobody notices it more then men.

Move it!
If your out and about, with your best 'get em' outfit on, make sure to let the inner flirt loose. Dance freely, even if it's someone you arent making eyes at. Afterall it's just dancing, and if that guy you thought you saw eying you across the room sees you with someone he feels he's better than, he'll feel more confident when approaching you that he won't get shut down. Noone wants to dance with the prune in the corner with her harms folded, shake a tail feather!


Initiate, initiate, initiate.
I can't stress enough the importance of having a little too much confidence. African American woman can be a pretty tough shell to crack (I'll admit sometimes when I'm out I really don't want to be bothered and I'll gladly show it) But knowing we are tough to approach, we have a good advantage. A woman making moves can be extremely sexy to a man. I've always said if you want something you can have it, and if you really want to date you can... initiate, be open, flirt, smile, start the conversation and make him beg for it to never end.

Be unconventional, it's a numbers game.
If you only date rappers, date a factory worker, if you only date doctors, give that UPS man a chance, if he's not 6'2" so what! Sometimes we can limit our chances for love by limiting the men we look at. On average if you're dating and hoping to find that special someone you should be going out atleast once a week, but I know some women who date once every six months and wonder why they're alone. Men view dating as a numbers game, so should we. Go out every chance you get, play the field, and take every date as a step towards finding the man of your dreams.

Oh those blue eyes!
I know I know, you only date brotha's, but hey if you open your world to other races, your summer might be full of alot more love. Take a leap and say yes to that blue eyed brother that thinks you look like an exotic queen. Have fun and you'll never know where you'll find yourself in the winter months!

Go where the men are!
I've noticed something when I go out, theres alot of damn estrogen! It used to make me sick to get all dolled up and stand in line with a bunch of women to get into a club with a bunch of women on the dance floor. Change your going out routine, go to afterwork happy hours, frequent a sports bar. Make a point to have friends with friends, house parties and gatherings are a better way to meet men than a bar.

WWW......
If you havent started online dating, I highly encourage it. Statistically when a woman marries it's to someone she knew in highschool or college. If you're beyond that and noone from the past is knocking at your door, than it's time to take new approaches. Online dating has been a godsend for the professional woman. Filtering and research is done for you. Its a convenient way to get past the cattle call. Other events to look out for, singles gatherings and speed dating. If you haven't tried any of these things, honey you don't really want a man.

Have fun.
This is your world and anyman is trying to get a ticket in. Remember you are a prize, a beautiful reward for a man being a man. Dating is all about having fun, even if it doesn't work out with you and a guy, no worries you have another date next week!

Rekindle
If you're in a relationship or have one thats fairly new, take the time to rekindle some feelings. Do something new, surprise him. I'll randomly tell my BF I want to walk on the beach at night. Find a festival to suggest to him, make a picnic lunch and hike with him, take a trip 2 hours away from your home and stay in a hotel, Anything to get out of the house and out of a potential rut!

Act like a lady...think like a lady

Nope, I haven't read it. I'm sure its a wonderful book, very heart felt, going out to the sistas that have been through the fire from the perspective of a successful black man who has had women lining up at his feet because of his status. My congrats to Mr Harvey for keeping the ladies in mind. I'll pick it up from Barnes and Nobles soon.

This is my version of what I think some women are doing... well... wrong.
I said to my boo a while ago when we first started seeing eachother, 'Tell me if me pulling out my wallet is offensive, I don't know when not to pay' and he said, 'Baby, you can pay for everything' It was a joke... but it wasn't. And it's true, if I pull out my wallet I can pay, plain and simple, because I'm his equal right? WRONG! This is when I decided to act like a lady and think like a lady.

Now this isnt just going to be a segment on when to start going dutch. Money is a big factor in dating and marriage, and how a man treats money with you is a peek into the relationship as a whole. I noticed a change in our dating when I put away the wallet, he manned up on every level. He wouldn't let me pick up a bag... doors opened more... he held my hand in public more... he treated me like his lady. When we first started dating I had this mentality of unexpecting. I didn't expect to be taken out to nice dinners. I didn't expect him to open the door for me. I didn't expect him to romance me... I simply expected the guy on the couch scratching his balls watching sports while I ask myself why didn't I just stick with the vibrator.

I'm so Miss Independent, in every sense of the term. I got my own thing for sure. I've purchased my car, I have my name on my lease, I work, I pay my bills (except my student loans, lol) I've done it all on my own since high school... I am MISS INDEPENDENT. So going into a relationship, I realized I had to let some of her die... or else I'd end up taking care of a grown ass man.

Now ladies, some might agree, and some might not, but try the 'Standby' and see. What's the 'Standby'? If you're a wallet reacher like me (when the check comes or you're at the concession stand you reach for your wallet hoping he'd say no baby I got it, hoping he's faster than you are at paying) then this is for you. Go out to dinner, when the check comes, you don't budge. When you're at the movies, he buys the popcorn, not you, you're Standby. Why? Because he's courting you, this is called dating. We seem to have forgotten what dating is. Dating is the pre-quel to the relationship. Dating his his way of telling you I'm the man for you. And if you're dating right, then dating is his way of telling you 'I'd make the best husband and father to your children' Because, that is the goal of dating right? Even if you don't want kids, or don't believe in marriage, you're still looking for that person you'll have by your side, your Clyde, other wise you can just stay home.

If a man cannot take you on a date, a simple night on the town... then ummm what is the point? When I played the field I tried all angles. I'd meet a nice guy, we'd have a conversation, then I'd hope he'd ask me on a date. Instead he'd say, you wanna come over to my place. Now I've done this. I love movies and I'm more than willing to make our first date a Blockbuster night... but it always ended the same, his hands would go crazy and reach for my pants. And I'm thinking why does this keep happening? It's our first date... then the light bulb came on... I'm at his home! I've skipped a step. He's comfortable enough to assume if I'd just come to his place, I must want sex. If a man wants to see me beyond the first meeting, we go out. It doesnt have to be a fancy dinner or anything... but damn it our first date is going to be an actual date! No more of that 'so you wanna kick it at my place?' Chump please... I'm a lady. You want to date me, so do it. Now this is definitely a shifting method... you'll shift through the ones that just wanted to take off your pants, you'll hopefully shift through the ones that aren't really feeling you. Because lets face it, if a man wants you he'll go after you. He'll gladly take you out. You'll meet his friends. He'll start talking about his mama and saying when you meet her. If he wants you... if he isnt acting like he wants you, then honey he don't. And that's okay, because you're a queen who deserves her king... not a jester. So you move on to the next, because there are other fish in the sea.

Don't settle for less when dating, it's a peek into the rest of your relationship. I am by no means an expensive date... it doesn't take alot to make me happy... but effort is damn sexy when it comes to dating. One of the most romantic times was walking along the beach at night. If you've got a man who has a brain freeze when it comes to taking you out... tell him where you want to go, don't be afraid to make suggestions, you deserve a nice date. Again, if you've got someone coming to you for more then a one night stand, going on an actual dates will be no problem. Expect him to date you, wait by the door so he can open it, standy by, and act like a lady.

Now that I'm dating this man full time, I have no problem picking up a tab, but when we go on our dates I'm all lady.

Why buy the cow...

So my senses have been heightened when a conversation turns to co-habitation. It seems to be a hot topic for alot of people right now. I don't know if people talked about it before and I just never paid attention because it never involved me or what, but a lot of people in my life are talking about it.

I have a friend of a friend, she's been in a relationship for more than 6 years! More than 6 years! Boyfriend and Girlfriend for well over 6 years. At dinner her agitation with her situation was very apparent. She didn't want to speak of him, she didn't want to think about him, but what do a bunch of women talk about when we get together? Our men. As we changed the subject to politics, or the news, or taxes, we couldn't help to come back to the relationship talk. Two of the women at the table are in something happy and new, two are single, and then there’s her. They've lived together for a long time, work, pay bills, think about the future, but too slow for her. I couldn't help but feel sorry for her, because it seems she's trapped. This is a man she's been in love with and has dedicated her entire young life to for more than 6 years (when you're in your mid twenties 6 years is a looooong time to be in a relationship) That night she hadn't wore a ring he got for her. Not an engagement ring, not a promise ring, just a ring that she happened to wear on THAT finger because that’s the only one that fits, she didn’t' wear it on purpose. He's on the clock. He has a certain amount of time to make an honest woman of her or she's out. Or is she? Love can be so binding, even without the 'eyes of god, marriage license, white wedding' He's her man. I watched the movie He's not that into you, and while I cannot relate to these extremely silly women, I did feel Jennifer Aniston's character. She had been with a man, co-habitating for years, basically his wife without the title. And in the end she realized she didn’t need a ceremony to define the fact that she has something good, something married people don't even have because they simply get married to conform to society's standards. They are miserable, their husbands cheat, the wives cheat, the children suffer, they fight about money, about the dog, about the sun rising in the east and setting in the west, they finally divorce wondering where the last years of their lives have gone.

And then there’s her. As women in America we are taught to believe in marriage, the sancity, the status. If you notice a married woman with a cheating husband she always emphasizes that she's his WIFE, even though he’s out screwing whatever moves, she's his WIFE and he loves her most. Tisk tisk ladies, tisk tisk. There are many other situations that can deteriorate a marriage successfully, but cheating is top on my list. So... with this being said, what should she do? She's happy with him, she loves him, as far as she knows he's faithful, they work well together, they even bought a place together, they are homeowners. Is her timeline for a race to the alter a mistake? Tell me what you think.

DON'T JUDGE....

My best friend has been my best friend for over 20 years. Throughout our time as friends she has been very judgemental of my life and periodically everyone else around her but her own. She would say things that wouldn't put me down but were less encouraging. She has other female friends and I know while they are together they chat it up about me. It doesn't really bother me but I know her friends don't like me because of things she has told them about me. When she has a gathering and I attend all of them look at me as if they know something that I have only told her. This has gone on for years and I brushed it off. I don't have any other female friends besides her so I figured that's what they do. I don't do it with her because that kind of conversation bores me.
Just recently I went through a terrible break up. My guy I was with for 10 years cheated on me and now has a baby with some four night stand. He didn't have a relationship with her, he just went to her house on four different occasions and slept with her. HINT: IF A GUY IS NOT SPENDING QUALITY TIME WITH YOU HE IS MARRIED OR WITH SOMEONE HE RATHER SPEND TIME WITH. YOU ARE JUST A F@#K. It had nothing to do with our sex life either. She stroked his ego and he lied to her about things he was doing like, in the studio making a hit song, or hanging out with bands, people and producing when he was home...LOL!! When you're with someone for 10 years you loose the wow factor unless they actually are doing something. It was hard for him to fulfill his dreams because they were unrealistic. For all those years all he did was talk about what he was going to do and like a good woman I stood by his side and said nothing and gave full support on every idea he ever had but there was no action. He got off on talking about it instead of doing it. He liked living in the dream instead of making the dream happen.
With this information and a broken heart I went to my best friend. She immediately started to tell me I should forgive him because people make mistakes. Then she went into how I could have been a better woman by not making him feel incompetent by becoming so overly successful and leaving him behind. She said black men need to feel like they are the man in the relationship and I was clearly wearing the pants because I made the money. I thought about what she was saying and felt like she was judging my situation and almost telling me in a way that I somehow deserve what I'm getting because I'm successful. I even took what she said and thought about it for a while. Why is it ok for a man to be successful and have the money but its my fault because I established myself before he did and now that gives him a pass to cheat and possibly bring me home a disease? How do you forgive something like that? Not to mention over the 10 years we were together, I had 5 miscarriages and at the time he presented me with this information I was four months pregnant with twins. The stress overwhelmed me and I lost both of the babies within a weeks time. I constantly thought about how he jeopardized our lives by sleeping with someone else. And after I lost the babies all I could think about is how we tried to have a baby and now he has a baby with this women who knew about me and the family we were trying to make. He had nerve to discuss our situation and me with this woman. I hear people say its not the females fault, but it is when they know about you. They are clearly not victims but more like accomplices in the crime of the broken heart. She listened to his bullshit about his life that I made happen for us and thought he was the one with all the money. She clearly felt stupid after my BMW was taken from him and he was left with his 1984 Honda Civi Hatchback and no place to go but home to his mummy. She later found out he had no job and no money and now she is left taking care of this baby alone because he has nothing to do with her or the child. So ladies, even if they are rolling in a BMW, make sure the pink slip is in his name.
I know you're asking WHY? Why did I stay with him when he had nothing? To me it had nothing to do with money but commitment. It would be wrong for me and hypercritical to leave him because he was still trying to follow his dreams when I had succeeded. We were together with nothing and I felt I wouldn't leave him because of it. I felt if I was up, so was he as long as we were committed to it, us and our relationship. If I were to leave him I wouldn't have been any better than a man who succeeded who leaves his wife or girl friend he has been with for years to date the next hot thing on the red carpet. Thats not me. And I loved him dearly. He was one of my best friends.
No one can truly understand this pain unless they go through it. Which brings me back to my friend. About four days ago she found out her hubby is cheating on her. She called me and cried. After 20 something years she has only seen me cry once and this was the first time in all the years I saw her cry. We are pretty tuff women and we have had some real serious things happen in both our lives. But this one thing was so devastating to us it brought out emotions we weren't use to. She wanted to kill, she wanted to find the girl, she wanted to resolve everything at that moment. I calmed her down and told her she would be fine. I looked at her and said, "At least he doesn't have a baby. There's a start." We both laughed and I told her, "I never wanted anyone but the bitch who put me through this to ever go through this pain." I was so upset at one point I wished and prayed for her and the baby to die. The pain of this is too great. I looked at my best friend, smiled and said, "Maybe you should take the advise you gave me and forgive him." She looked at me and said,"Are you trying to say something." I looked at her and said," You can't comment or judge someones situation on something you have yet to feel or experience can you?" She apologized and said there was no way she could have imagined the feeling.

The moral to this story is, DON'T JUDGE.
Wake up every morning and say, TODAY I SHALL NOT JUDGE
Or the next time you do, the experience of the judged can become your experience.

Maybe we got it wrong

So today I was randomly going over some pictures, and stumbled across one of me and my (break, not to become an ex). It was taken a few months into our relationship, and I must admit I looked damn good. For about six weeks this photo became the screensaver on his laptop as well as his phone. I was giddy when I saw it because I'd replaced the photos of his niece and Keri Hilson. I was assured that my babe was thinking of me constantly throughout his day. Kudos to me right, beep wrong. On the seventh week our pic was replaced with a 2009 Bentley. At the time i joked about being upstaged by a "bling-ed out ride", but in hindsight I realize something he said that completely flew over my head at the time. He simply stated "I'm nowhere in your phone".

So yes I had him programmed into my cellular, yes he had his own ringtone. But no pictures. None in my phone, none on my Mac, none on my Facebook. Yet here I was cheesing all over his virtual profile, and he unabashedly put me there.

So the question is, do we as women pay attention to the little things our man might be trying to tell us?

It's quite possible that he was hurt by the fact that I didn't have the same consideration for him. This type of sensitivity is something I think we often overlook, mainly because we're too caught up in ourselves. We make sure they know or at least care to learn our likes/dislikes/favorites/peeves.... do we? If you and your significant other played the "newlywed game" would you have a high score? 

The Gift of Goodbye

There comes a time in a relationship where you just have to let it go, walk away and move on because it’s just not what it used to be. This is not necessarily cause by cheating, arguing, lying. Just a feeling of “its over” the love is still there, but not as strong as it used to be. The idea that you love that person but you are no longer in love with that person. How and when do you make that distinction? Mighty Mouth and I have been in this yo-yo of a relationship for 3 years and have produced a beautiful child out of it. And for that my love for him will always be strong, but as time goes on and our lives changed and evolve around our child we have grown distant. We see things in a different light. Motherhood has changed me, however fatherhood has not changed him. We have become to separate entities joined together by a child and the love for that child. But the love between us has not “grown” but is now at a stand still. Just going through the motions. How do I embrace the gift of goodbye?
I have sat and watched many relationships crash and burn when the love between them used to be so hot. I have watched relationship turn from great love to pure unadulterated hate. Watched mothers and fathers despise each other to the point where there child has become the rope in between this vicious tug-of-war. I don’t want that to happen between him and I. I believe there still needs to be some type of peace between us, simply because we have a child, So I need to say Goodbye, but its hard to let go of something you have known for years to walk back into the unknown world of Dating. I mean I should know when its over… Just let go.It is what is needed to be done … Right???.

Online Dating

I have been online dating now for a few years. A lot of people may say it is a weird way to meet someone, but why? I don't think its any different then being approached by a guy while at Subway ordering a sandwich. Personally I feel if you're a person with a good judge of character you will be able to wing out the bad and date the greats. I've learned to make men feel comfortable and open. Its my only way of really knowing what kind of guy he is. I have a few tips on the matter.

Tip #1
Make sure your profile doesn't give too much of what you are looking for. Give a brief description of yourself and write something that will keep a guy in awe. If you give them to much they will pretend to be everything you are looking for just to get you to chat with them. Especially if you are gorgeous. They usually look at your picture first and then read the profile. I think about 95% of them only read the profile to write something clever and to show you, 1. they've read your profile and 2. "Hey look at me, I can read. Please respond".

Tip #2
Make sure your profile picture shows little skin. Some skin is good but not too much.
If you are serious about finding someone with substance you don't want to give off the impression of being a woman that is easy. There are tons of women on sites that look for one nighters and you can be mistaken for one of those. If you are looking for a "Hook up" then by all means show as much as you'd like.

Tip #3
Always meet first before you decide on your wedding dress. So many women fall in love with guys just by emailing and talking on the phone. Girls, if he is too busy to meet then he is either married, in a relationship, crazy, feeding you a dream, or not the guy he put on his profile picture. Yes girls, guys do it too. I can't tell you how many guys I have met who were not the pictures they showed. They were either 10 to 20 years older, 80 to 100 pounds heavier, or it just wasn't them at all...LOL!

Tip #4
If you are not interested then don't lead them to believe you are. Be honest but firm.
I had this one guy tell me he was looking for something long term and when I told him I wasn't having sex until there was substance he then changed his attitude. You can really bring out the worse and the best in someone if you are yourself.

Tip#5
Be careful. Not everyone can deal with crazy's like I can. It is really important you never ever meet someone for the first three dates alone (Meaning at his place or a place YOU are not familiar with). It takes about three dates and a life time to really see the man for who he is. Lucky me it only takes one. I tend to bring out every ones naughtiness no matter who it is.

Tip #6
If you are not looking for sex DO NOT BRING IT UP IN CONVERSATION. If a guy tries to bring it up change the subject. You don't want to come off like thats what you are looking for. If you start talking about sex they think you are ready for it. Pick the right time to let him know you're not a total prude. I don't even have to talk about sex for them to try to be my desert.

Tip #7
Follow your intuition. If you feel like this guy is not good or there is something about him, run. Avoid all emails, phone calls and any place you met up with him. The feeling of him not being good for you is usually 1000% accurate. I try to meet guys places I usually never go. If I like a particular Starbucks I don't choose that one. I choose one close to him. And ladies, you don't have to change your cell number. Do not delete theres. If you don't want to know or see their names any longer change their names in your phone to "DO NOT ANSWER." This lets you know that you better not answer it or it will be someone you don't want to talk to. If you delete their numbers they could wait a month and try to call you again, just to see how you are doing. And by then you don't recognize the number and may think its someone from the job, your kids school, or another friend calling from someone elses phone. Leave it in the phone and change the name to "DO NOT ANSWER" and you won't ever have to worry about that. Oh and if they try to call with another number just hang up on them. They usually get the hint. Yes this even works for family and friends you don't want to talk to. One of the DO NOT ANSWERS in my phone is my mum...j/k

Tip #8
Never give out too much of your information. You don't really know these people so you don't have to tell them your street address, your job location, where you work, what kind of car you drive, the city your mum lives in, your mothers maiden name, or your SSN. Its ok to just talk about your interest. If this person becomes someone you don't want to know and he gets angry with you, he can be a crazy and find out where you work and start harassing you there. Lets keep the personal information to a minimum.

Tip #9
Be honest. I say this because you can lie about something to someone and he could be the one who opens your heart. So if you have 5 children and you told him you have three because those are the three that live with you, that's still considered as a lie. Be up front and honest. By the time you meet and he further gets to know you, if he truly likes you, he will accept you and everything you have to offer. If not, screw him, there are way too many men out there that would. But it is important to make sure you give them a choice to accept it or not.

Tip #10
The free sites are not different than sites you pay for. The same guys are on both. I think I had more ass holes on the paid sites than I did on the free ones. I think some guys know that if women are paying to be on a site they are more willing to believe that they are serious and not on the sites to just get laid. I'm not speaking for all men, just most.

Have fun ladies but be careful. I hope my tips can help open your eyes and give you a bit of incite on the online dating scene.
Ciao for now

Build-A-Boyfriend

My 16 year old niece is dating. My mother is scared and my sister seems distant in this matter. So this leaves me to guide her down the dating path. Honestly, I don't know if I am the best candidate to give someone so impressionable dating advice. Funny, that doesn't seem to stop me. I can remember when I was 16 and thought I would find my future hubby with whom I could share life with. Sixteen years later and a different reality has been revealed. I have needs. Not specifically of the sexual variety however needs of companionship and adventure. What I have discovered in my time is our 'everything' doesn't exist in human form. As much as I would like to believe I am the total package I am not. If I were the total package then I would not need to grow or gain wisdom. Thus I have come to one conclusion; you don’t really have to have just one boyfriend. I have heard lots of terms like, "polymorphous" or 'open' relationship. I am not just interested in that, I deserve something more than a label that's convenient & definable.

Each gentleman I choose to share my time with possesses great qualities. Allow me to share with you on how to make a complete boyfriend. First, make a list, categorized into four main categories: spirituality, entrepreneurship, fun, education. Each category will vary. Then you seek to fill each category with a boyfriend.

Let’s begin, #1 the 'Pro Hubby.’ I am in no way traditionally married to this gentleman however a legal contract binds our relationship. We are entrepreneurs that refer to our business as our baby. This brother is incredible! However our personalities do not mix well and I have to remember to be on my best behavior when speaking with the Pro Hub. So category #1 filled.

#2 The 'Ad Hub'- adventurous & fun boyfriend. In my travels I met a drummer. I speak with him daily we laugh and occasionally we catch a plane to some sunny location and relax. No stress. No arguments. No anxiety. No sex and no pressure. So category #2 filled.

Off to #3 The Mature Gentlemen-every single woman needs an older man in her life. Before ya'll start screaming 'sugar daddy' wait! Older men still believe in the traditional ways of dating. When you ask a lady out you show up on time, hold the door open and pay for her dinner. I will talk to you about my tales of Dutch dating later. The Mature Gentleman knows how to treat a lady like a lady. If you get one of these single gentlemen there are some rules you need to remember especially for all of my Diva's out there. He doesn't want you to pay for it. You don't have to impress him by what you can buy. He is the man that's his job.

#4 The Smart Guy-he reads more than sports magazines & subtitles to Kung Fu movies. Ladies, it's important that we keep our minds sharp and our conversations diverse. So we need to read. Even better read & discuss books you have read with other people. The Smart Guy enjoys intellectual stimulation so ask lots of questions and propose an opposing view. My Smart Guy and I talk at least weekly and currently we are reading, "This Child Will Be Great' by President Ellen Johnson Sirleaf. It is excellent.

In conclusion, I know one day I will have just one husband and I will be truly grateful for him. However, every good single woman should have many suitors. Remember you are the prize.

Next time: Tales of Dutch Dating

All I need in this life of sin...

Life's circles can be amusing sometimes. Living in such a large city, I never realized how small MY world is. I've got a bff, I've known since we were 5, my small family circle, and my group of ride or die girlfriends I'd trust to the fullest (thats a very small number, lol) I'm definitely a Bonnie, but without a Clyde. Not that I'd stand by my man yielding a gun and joining him in an untimely death (I'll stay by your side within reason, lol) But getting to an age where I finally realize maybe I'd like to have someone that's just 'there'. Someone who knows me and cares. I'm a diva housewife, meaning I can hold my own, I hustle and I've taken care of myself, but I treat my man like a king and take care of the household in an instant (if he deserves it) But it seems, as I get older, day by day, my Clyde isn't out there. What do I do? Watching the clock tick I sit at work thinking about my options, my expectations and standards and I start shaving away. Ok, maybe he doesn't have to be college educated... I have a car maybe we can share it. Then I slap myself, what on earth would my mother say? I was taught to know what I want and expect nothing less. I look at what I've accomplished, where I am and where I'd like to be, and I realize I'm not just looking for a man, I'm looking for someone to share my journey. You can't share a journey going east with someone who's going west, so I sit at my desk at work, thinking about my expectations and standards, and I've decided to sick by them, because I realize I'm not asking much when I ask for my Clyde.

If you lie down with dogs, you'll come up with fleas. That saying has never been more true than before I started dating. A woman will mold her entire being around a man. Give him her energy and time, without realizing the feeling isn't mutual. Love yourself, and others will have no choice but to love you back. Expect the best out of everyone in your life, and never settle for less.

myspace and facebook can kill the love

Knowledge is key

We all know how big social networking can be for our daily lives. I personally am on everything I can think of; Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, I even still have my Black Planet Page (ya'll remember that one?) I recently realized how it can also be a killer to a relationship. There are millions of stories about the Myspace breakup, or the Facebook stalker. I've had friends and acquaintances tell me wild stories of wonderful men leading a double life virtually.

How much should social networking affect our relationships? In alot of cases they have both started and ended something wonderful. From my new experience, it can definitely be a killer. Imagine walking into your loves home, and seeing smiling photos of him and his ex posted on the walls, sitting on the coffee table, hanging from his keychain, lol. How would this make you feel? Men (some, ok 95%) have not figured out what social networking sites are for. I'm talking to the fellas now, MEN HEY LISTEN UP, they are a presentation of your life. They are you saying to millions of people "This is who I am" And it seems you haven’t figured out that your girlfriend will be watching this activity, it's our newly gifted nature (thanks Tom from myspace). Social networking's effects on a relationship can make a person feel slighted, jilted, bamboozled, and stupid because it seems so petty, but again it is a presentation to the world. So I for one am not afraid to look at someone's presentation and make a decision. We do it everyday, rather we are hiring someone or being hired, searching for a new doctor, or someone to take care of our car, we now look to the web to tell us rather or not we should go in a certain direction.

My recent experience has bought me to a place where I'm in two different relationships, the one in person and the one online. Not sure what to do but wanting the best, I confronted the situation and stated my feelings... it hasn't worked yet. I now realize the many dimensions to a relationship, and how careful one needs to be to make another person happy, but if you truly love that person minor adjustments (like the removal of couple’s photos from a public site) shouldn't be too hard to compromise about. This is just one SBF's opinion, but social networking pages are basically an open book, it’s the easiest way to see into someone’s life, and it’s the most power we have as individuals over how people perceive us. So ladies, if you're logging in, don't feel silly for taking his presentation seriously, because this is his own virtual way of telling you how much he cares.