Sunday, June 14, 2009

Act like a lady...think like a lady

Nope, I haven't read it. I'm sure its a wonderful book, very heart felt, going out to the sistas that have been through the fire from the perspective of a successful black man who has had women lining up at his feet because of his status. My congrats to Mr Harvey for keeping the ladies in mind. I'll pick it up from Barnes and Nobles soon.

This is my version of what I think some women are doing... well... wrong.
I said to my boo a while ago when we first started seeing eachother, 'Tell me if me pulling out my wallet is offensive, I don't know when not to pay' and he said, 'Baby, you can pay for everything' It was a joke... but it wasn't. And it's true, if I pull out my wallet I can pay, plain and simple, because I'm his equal right? WRONG! This is when I decided to act like a lady and think like a lady.

Now this isnt just going to be a segment on when to start going dutch. Money is a big factor in dating and marriage, and how a man treats money with you is a peek into the relationship as a whole. I noticed a change in our dating when I put away the wallet, he manned up on every level. He wouldn't let me pick up a bag... doors opened more... he held my hand in public more... he treated me like his lady. When we first started dating I had this mentality of unexpecting. I didn't expect to be taken out to nice dinners. I didn't expect him to open the door for me. I didn't expect him to romance me... I simply expected the guy on the couch scratching his balls watching sports while I ask myself why didn't I just stick with the vibrator.

I'm so Miss Independent, in every sense of the term. I got my own thing for sure. I've purchased my car, I have my name on my lease, I work, I pay my bills (except my student loans, lol) I've done it all on my own since high school... I am MISS INDEPENDENT. So going into a relationship, I realized I had to let some of her die... or else I'd end up taking care of a grown ass man.

Now ladies, some might agree, and some might not, but try the 'Standby' and see. What's the 'Standby'? If you're a wallet reacher like me (when the check comes or you're at the concession stand you reach for your wallet hoping he'd say no baby I got it, hoping he's faster than you are at paying) then this is for you. Go out to dinner, when the check comes, you don't budge. When you're at the movies, he buys the popcorn, not you, you're Standby. Why? Because he's courting you, this is called dating. We seem to have forgotten what dating is. Dating is the pre-quel to the relationship. Dating his his way of telling you I'm the man for you. And if you're dating right, then dating is his way of telling you 'I'd make the best husband and father to your children' Because, that is the goal of dating right? Even if you don't want kids, or don't believe in marriage, you're still looking for that person you'll have by your side, your Clyde, other wise you can just stay home.

If a man cannot take you on a date, a simple night on the town... then ummm what is the point? When I played the field I tried all angles. I'd meet a nice guy, we'd have a conversation, then I'd hope he'd ask me on a date. Instead he'd say, you wanna come over to my place. Now I've done this. I love movies and I'm more than willing to make our first date a Blockbuster night... but it always ended the same, his hands would go crazy and reach for my pants. And I'm thinking why does this keep happening? It's our first date... then the light bulb came on... I'm at his home! I've skipped a step. He's comfortable enough to assume if I'd just come to his place, I must want sex. If a man wants to see me beyond the first meeting, we go out. It doesnt have to be a fancy dinner or anything... but damn it our first date is going to be an actual date! No more of that 'so you wanna kick it at my place?' Chump please... I'm a lady. You want to date me, so do it. Now this is definitely a shifting method... you'll shift through the ones that just wanted to take off your pants, you'll hopefully shift through the ones that aren't really feeling you. Because lets face it, if a man wants you he'll go after you. He'll gladly take you out. You'll meet his friends. He'll start talking about his mama and saying when you meet her. If he wants you... if he isnt acting like he wants you, then honey he don't. And that's okay, because you're a queen who deserves her king... not a jester. So you move on to the next, because there are other fish in the sea.

Don't settle for less when dating, it's a peek into the rest of your relationship. I am by no means an expensive date... it doesn't take alot to make me happy... but effort is damn sexy when it comes to dating. One of the most romantic times was walking along the beach at night. If you've got a man who has a brain freeze when it comes to taking you out... tell him where you want to go, don't be afraid to make suggestions, you deserve a nice date. Again, if you've got someone coming to you for more then a one night stand, going on an actual dates will be no problem. Expect him to date you, wait by the door so he can open it, standy by, and act like a lady.

Now that I'm dating this man full time, I have no problem picking up a tab, but when we go on our dates I'm all lady.