Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Are we sittin and waitin too much?

"All I Gotta Do all i gotta do is sit and wait sit and wait and it's gonna find me all i gotta do is sit and wait if i can learn how
what i need to do is sit and wait cause i'm a woman sit and wait what i gotta do is sit and wait cause i'm a woman it'll find me
you get yours and i'll get mine if i learn to sit and wait you got yours i want mine and i'm gonna get it cause i gotta get it cause i need to get it if i learn how
thought about calling for it on the phone asked for a delivery but they didn't have it thought about going to the store to get it walked to the corner but they didn't have it
called your name in my sleep sitting and waiting thought you would awake me called your name lying in my bed but you didn't have it offered to go get it but you didn't have it so i'm sitting
all i know is sitting and waiting waiting and sitting cause i'm a woman all i know is sitting and waiting cause i gotta wait wait for it to find me "
Written by Nikki Giovanni

I love this poem, it is one of my favorites! I remember a time when I first had my daughter, I was told to do this, I was told to " SIT AND WAIT" and be a " GOOD WOMAN". I sure wasted my time doing this, it was a pure trap. I would say I waited for almost two years. I thought something was wrong with me. I met this person in College, so he was a college educated brother. I let my guard down thinking we would 100% have a future together. I mean, this beautiful black man took African American studies classes so he could get me! We would both be like Bonnie and Clyde , but College educated go getters not robbers of course! lol. I had it all planned out. I also remember him telling me about his friend getting married and also how one day maybe we could both live in the windy city together. Well, soon after he left back out of state to school. I was taken back by this, because he was suppose to relocate, this was going on before I even met him. He went back and I went on with my life. So 9 months go by, I myself was so busy trying to get a degree, I just kept moving. We reunited, and of course me thinking that he is a college educated brother, would step it up, and this would be it. Wow, I did not know, my fellow brother would take energy to change his mind when it was too late, so for me, I had to stay true, and my daughter was made from my deepest part, the hope that as a woman, I could believe my black brother. So often, I feel as though black women get this short hand of the stick. We are not baby mamas. We are abandoned by our men and left to fight for survival in America. Many black women are just left! we are left with no explanations, and no one wants to talk about why our fathers left our mothers, why they could not settle down, why our grandmothers had to be the back bone all the time. No doubt there are brothers doing what they need to ( WE LOVE YOU!!) but the reality is, we are getting lost and going a group of people what made African Americans able to survive slavery was this idea of FAMILY! we respected each other we loved each other, in the 1960's we called each other sista's and brotha's ....what happened to the male and female black love! Black love is now an endagred species. I truly think we got lost, we fought to sit at the table, but now we have no REAL FOOD for ours souls to share with each other. Anyways, I stopped waiting to be validated by a man, I did not grow up saying I want to do it all, I was give no choice but to do it achieve my dreams alone. I love my daughter, I plan for us not to struggle with the grace of GOD, I plan to do this with hardwork and staying true to what God has for me. Yet, when I do decide to do this, a person, of whatever background or color, would love to knock me down and say, well you need a man, and deep down, I want to say, you bring his ASS to me, because I CANT SIT AND WAIT for him to get here, my child needs me to give her all I can, so I do not sit and wait anymore, it is up to us to see women such as me, as not broken, but women who created a new story, I should not carry the shame of a man's mistake, when more of us can do this, maybe then, we can overcome these stereotypes, rather than us further oppressing ourselves.