Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Why buy the cow...

So my senses have been heightened when a conversation turns to co-habitation. It seems to be a hot topic for alot of people right now. I don't know if people talked about it before and I just never paid attention because it never involved me or what, but a lot of people in my life are talking about it.

I have a friend of a friend, she's been in a relationship for more than 6 years! More than 6 years! Boyfriend and Girlfriend for well over 6 years. At dinner her agitation with her situation was very apparent. She didn't want to speak of him, she didn't want to think about him, but what do a bunch of women talk about when we get together? Our men. As we changed the subject to politics, or the news, or taxes, we couldn't help to come back to the relationship talk. Two of the women at the table are in something happy and new, two are single, and then there’s her. They've lived together for a long time, work, pay bills, think about the future, but too slow for her. I couldn't help but feel sorry for her, because it seems she's trapped. This is a man she's been in love with and has dedicated her entire young life to for more than 6 years (when you're in your mid twenties 6 years is a looooong time to be in a relationship) That night she hadn't wore a ring he got for her. Not an engagement ring, not a promise ring, just a ring that she happened to wear on THAT finger because that’s the only one that fits, she didn’t' wear it on purpose. He's on the clock. He has a certain amount of time to make an honest woman of her or she's out. Or is she? Love can be so binding, even without the 'eyes of god, marriage license, white wedding' He's her man. I watched the movie He's not that into you, and while I cannot relate to these extremely silly women, I did feel Jennifer Aniston's character. She had been with a man, co-habitating for years, basically his wife without the title. And in the end she realized she didn’t need a ceremony to define the fact that she has something good, something married people don't even have because they simply get married to conform to society's standards. They are miserable, their husbands cheat, the wives cheat, the children suffer, they fight about money, about the dog, about the sun rising in the east and setting in the west, they finally divorce wondering where the last years of their lives have gone.

And then there’s her. As women in America we are taught to believe in marriage, the sancity, the status. If you notice a married woman with a cheating husband she always emphasizes that she's his WIFE, even though he’s out screwing whatever moves, she's his WIFE and he loves her most. Tisk tisk ladies, tisk tisk. There are many other situations that can deteriorate a marriage successfully, but cheating is top on my list. So... with this being said, what should she do? She's happy with him, she loves him, as far as she knows he's faithful, they work well together, they even bought a place together, they are homeowners. Is her timeline for a race to the alter a mistake? Tell me what you think.