Tuesday, October 20, 2009

An ex love lost.....

What happens when your ex whom you were fighting to get a divorce from dies?
Today I found out my ex husband has passed away. Technically we were still married but we were in a long process of getting our divorce. He was out of the country and due to our great nation no military person can be served divorce papers while on a mission. We hadn't seen each other since 3 months after our marriage in 2006 but for some reason the pain of this loss is still there. Why?

For years all I thought about was what pain he had put me through at the time of our separation and what a jerk he was but now that he is no longer around or present here in body and mind I see all the good times we had. This is a problem for me. I don't know why I feel this sadness because I can't even get a clear vision of what he looks like in my head. But I can still smell him, I can still feel his touch, and hear his voice telling me "Thats what I was missing." as he grabbed me in his arms after he was away for a few weeks.

I think it was easier to let him go when there was actually someone to let go. I never wanted him to be hurt and I never wanted anything bad to happen to him. Ok maybe a wish of something here and there may have appeared during an angry moment in our seperation but damn!

My point to writing this is to let all of you know to appreciate what you have. You may have someone who isn't doing exactly what you want them to do at that exact time or you may not be talking to someone you were close to for years over something that seemed to be big at the time but has now faded with the thought of "What were we mad about?" and the ill feelings from your pride is still proving to exist. All I can say to this is reach for happiness, reach for the good times that were spent, reach for the love that was felt and call that person and forgive. Look to the one in which whom you thought the love had faded and search for the love you still have for them within and show them.
Now I don't have a chance to call and talk about what happened, now I don't have the pleasure to say I forgive you, please forgive me.
I'm not saying to forget if you were hurt, all I'm saying is....forgive.