Black In America 2

Sigh, another viewing of Black in America. I'm not sure about you, but I felt the first one didn't really give a... how shall I say it... resolution. It was more like other races could gather around their television and watch the discovery channel on a race of people. I guess its because I don't like problems or issues being pointed out with no solution. Perhaps if they do an Asian in America, or an Indian in America I will be satisfied knowing someone is looking at ALL races and not just one. We'll never be able to look beyond the black white relationship with the media embedding it into our minds. I think as an American from other backgrounds I would be offended that Americans don't think I'm important enough to get a series on CNN. But I get it, in the first installment I walked away with, the black woman is doing well, dating outside her race, going to college and not holding on to the promise of having a black family, and the black male might as well be six feet under the ground. I don't know about you, but thats what I got watching the father in jail talk about the kids he know he has but doesn't support. Sigh, I'll watch in a few day and form another opinion on this circus CNN is creating, especially now that our president is black.

What do you think about her reports?

We are making progress....

http://alumniunit.com/2009/01/12/black-women-bridging-the-economic-gap/


Can anyone else find some articles on our progress, this is the only one I see, the media is really bad..........

Is the strong black woman transforming? or is she just enduring? ....

"Usually, when people talk about the "strength " of black women they are referring to the way in which they perceive black women coping with oppression. They ignore the reality that to be strong in the face of oppression is not the same as overcoming oppression, that endurance is not to be confused with transformation " - Bell Hooks

Obama is in GHANA!

I think it is awesome to have our President visit a former slave holding. For a while, some African Americans were wondering if our President was black enough for us. Well, from the beginning, I think he has done a great job of supporting change. We can now fly to Cuba and troops are slowly leaving Iraq. Now, Washington is not perfect, there is so much that has to be done to fix our this recession. However, our President still makes time to take his daughters for some ice cream. He is a man of priorities! So tomorrow, I will be watching as a our President makes his tour to a place where my ancestors departed to come here as slaves. Yes, his dad is Kenyan, but to me, brown is brown everywhere, he is from the continent, like my ancestors are from the continent. I hope one day myseld I can make a visit to a country in Africa, if possible, with some good research maybe I can at least know the area where my ancestors came from. These thoughts ran throug my mind as I watched CNN, I loved how Anderson Cooper spoke about this significance. I think it is a great moment to see how far we have come as people. 500 years of free labor, and still today we face discrimination in areas still, BUT our PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES , a black man will be coming to the continent tomorrow, not to mention his beautiful smart wife, a descenent of slaves like myself. But, we are more than just descendents of slaves, so the trip is not just about the oppression, I think it is also a victory moment, a tribute to how strong we are as people, and most of all the strength of the black woman that made us survive all our time here in America..this reminds me why I am valuable.... I am so exited to see the girls too, especially when they came off the plane.... but most of all, we still have to really be inspired to do for ourselves, this President is only one man... I do hope these younger kids see how nice it is to have this image in our minds, and most of all it can inspire children of color to keep rising above ...

MARRIED FOLK VERSUS SINGLE FOLK GREATEST DEBATE OF ALL TIME

Ok, now I am so not the expert on this because I have never been married before. However, I am at that age where I am taking some better applications now. I notice though that some people that I knew once, became married and kind of morphed into fred and wilma flinstone, or Lucy and Ricky, Ike and Tina, I mean whatever you call it, something happens where I wonder, hey what happened to those folks. Most of all, I become the evil SINGLE person, the person who is so low down, that I do not have a ring on my finger. You better watch out because I will come like a thief in the night to steal all your men!!! HAHAHAHA, I am the single woman. Now, if you go to a dinner party, do not be the only single woman there, better yet WTF do married folks talk about, it is some boring you know what. Sometimes I feel like some married people all share the same talking points, like they are all from the same political campaign! Even more, married folks begin to compare houses, vacations, kids student achievement , jeez louis I am almost scared to step into the world, but maybe I am being ignorant. Now single people, well I am not that either.....single people in Los Angeles most of the time want single sex, break your heart, use you, and then laugh about that shit at a bar ! even more in the single world, we always have to say " hey this is not serious", or " we are just gettign to know each other, but I am not looking for anything special", or are the single people really just rejects? and are the married people rejects who found each other ??? lol lol wow! I feel trapped, neither interested in keep up with the jones, nor being a fisher woman ready to catch in every man I see....anyhow does anyone see this drastic dichotomy? if you do not let me know, what do you think ??? I think if anything what I am trying to say here is that our fast pace world may have destroyed meaningful relationships? or is this just LOS ANGELES? what do you think? maybe the city of Los Angeles is too big!

"When I never can say goodbye goes wrong"

So, I have always noticed my habit of trying to be a fixer of everything. I try to fix many things that are outside of my control. I now realize I am not responsible for what is not in my control. I see the power in goodbyes as well. I think life is like a closet that is constantly empties out sometimes and refills. I can hold what works for me, and I can let go of what is not working out for me. I think many women try so often to be fixers. I think society as a large still has a lot to do with this kind of thought process. I valued myself based on others approval. Now I know our contentment is tied to those we love, but guess what, it should not be tied to folks who do not care for us. I mean care, like, love etc... the main point is that if folks who could give a rats ass about you are irrelevent, it is not your job to fix that problem. Even more so, I see how each day does have meaning and purpose. Some days we just chill as well, and hey this is cool too! but why waste time doing anything that brings you down or takes UP SPACE. I had a lot of mental space to release this year. This space was associates, friends, and even some family. Does this mean I do not give a crap about anyone but myself? No, it does not. I value community service, social justice, God ...blah blah blah...but as a black woman, a woman, mother, and just HUMAN BEING, I deserve my safe space, where I can go to when I come home from work, or when I am tired, or just because... I deserve this space in my mind, body, soul actions, and in my personal relationships, even more statistically women of color have many chronic disease as a result of this baggage that is sometimes , and most of the time not ours faults.....and I am finding that clearing out nothingness gives me time to fill my life with purpose, not just when it comes to work, and my family, but my mind and soul, even if it is just to relax, I focus my energy on this more, I stay away from family, associates or eligible single men who want to make me feel this nothingness, or go out of their way to oppress my hope and energy in a sneaky way...... so sometimes, these goodbyes, can open up our lives to a more lasting hello each day...

The difference between a Ho and a Whore is a Whore has business sense

I said this about six years ago to my college roommate and she cracked up. It's totally true though, and I've watched the gap between ho's and whores widen over the years.
They say prostitution is the oldest profession, I thought that would be basket making, but anyway in my nice new apartment, which I love enough to decorate, I've discovered a dirty little secret. Right outside my window is a prostitution ring. Wow, I said to myself at 3 in the morning. I sat in my window watching the girls work. And boy were they busy. It was like a prostitute drive through, the men loved these whores. I couldn't see them one hundred percent clearly, but I could tell one was black and I believe the other was Hispanic (it's the valley in LA so she probably was) I sat there, watching the trucks roll up and pick up a girl (oddly enough 90 percent of their jons drove pickup trucks) Within the two hours that I sat fascinated, these women had to have satisfied 10 customers between the two. That's busy! I don't want to do it more than twice in a night with one man, let alone 5! I listened to the loud clacking of their stiletto heels and while watching I came up with a joke "What's the only difference in clothing when it comes to a prostitute and a girl going to a club... a prostitute has enough sense to wear a coat when it's cold!" If you laugh you laugh, I think it's funny. ( I crack myself up, btw)
Anyway, after making up that joke, I decided not to call the cops on these women. Why? Because I realized those women out there actually have an advantage over the chicks I watch in the clubs. And yes, I used to be one of them, short skirt, heels, I love my boobs so I'd show those off, still do. If you go to the club, take a look around. The girls are naked, bending over, basically doing it to everyman that comes over and taps them on the ass. In the clubs I've seen it all, and yet it still amazes me. I remember going to my first dance in 10th grade, thinking I was going to dance and being shocked by all the grinding. So after the club the fellas pick a half naked chick to go home with and screw... and what does she get? Sometimes not even a drink. WTF is going on ladies. I think it was Chris Rock that said women are driving down the price of pussy. If pussy was a stock it would've plummeted. It's so true. And it's mostly these young girls, dressing in things I can't even consider clothing, giving it away for free. I just want to take everyone I see and shake them. Stop it ho! Just stop it. And if you go to the club and don't notice the little ho's then ummmmm, it might just be you bending over to the front touching your toes for free, when a stripper gets twenty bucks for that. No no, you're saying SBF, you're telling the young girls to become strippers and whores? No, I'm telling them to leave it up to the professionals.

Summer love

Summer is the best time of the year (in my opinion) and theres no better time for dating, the weather's perfect, the days are bright and spirits are lifted.

If you're single, I recommend going out as much as possible. And if you go out an you can't understand why you cant get a date here are a few tips.

Be open!
Summer is a time for new beginnings. Relaxation and vacations, so anyone who's uptight should simply let themselves go. Do something you wouldn't normally do, buy a man a drink, flirt your ass off! Go for it, it's time for summer love. No uptight sistas here.


Take advantage of "Me Me Me"
Great weather is a perfect excuse for self improvement. Grab the girls and powerwalk through the park, if you live in a beach city, find a yoga group and watch the sunrise on the beach while getting in touch with your inner self. If you've been making excuses about getting in shape during the winter, there aren't any more in the summer! When we take care of ourselves and feel good about our selves, other people can feel it. You stand up straighter, you're skin is brighter, your smile is more radiant, and nobody notices it more then men.

Move it!
If your out and about, with your best 'get em' outfit on, make sure to let the inner flirt loose. Dance freely, even if it's someone you arent making eyes at. Afterall it's just dancing, and if that guy you thought you saw eying you across the room sees you with someone he feels he's better than, he'll feel more confident when approaching you that he won't get shut down. Noone wants to dance with the prune in the corner with her harms folded, shake a tail feather!


Initiate, initiate, initiate.
I can't stress enough the importance of having a little too much confidence. African American woman can be a pretty tough shell to crack (I'll admit sometimes when I'm out I really don't want to be bothered and I'll gladly show it) But knowing we are tough to approach, we have a good advantage. A woman making moves can be extremely sexy to a man. I've always said if you want something you can have it, and if you really want to date you can... initiate, be open, flirt, smile, start the conversation and make him beg for it to never end.

Be unconventional, it's a numbers game.
If you only date rappers, date a factory worker, if you only date doctors, give that UPS man a chance, if he's not 6'2" so what! Sometimes we can limit our chances for love by limiting the men we look at. On average if you're dating and hoping to find that special someone you should be going out atleast once a week, but I know some women who date once every six months and wonder why they're alone. Men view dating as a numbers game, so should we. Go out every chance you get, play the field, and take every date as a step towards finding the man of your dreams.

Oh those blue eyes!
I know I know, you only date brotha's, but hey if you open your world to other races, your summer might be full of alot more love. Take a leap and say yes to that blue eyed brother that thinks you look like an exotic queen. Have fun and you'll never know where you'll find yourself in the winter months!

Go where the men are!
I've noticed something when I go out, theres alot of damn estrogen! It used to make me sick to get all dolled up and stand in line with a bunch of women to get into a club with a bunch of women on the dance floor. Change your going out routine, go to afterwork happy hours, frequent a sports bar. Make a point to have friends with friends, house parties and gatherings are a better way to meet men than a bar.

WWW......
If you havent started online dating, I highly encourage it. Statistically when a woman marries it's to someone she knew in highschool or college. If you're beyond that and noone from the past is knocking at your door, than it's time to take new approaches. Online dating has been a godsend for the professional woman. Filtering and research is done for you. Its a convenient way to get past the cattle call. Other events to look out for, singles gatherings and speed dating. If you haven't tried any of these things, honey you don't really want a man.

Have fun.
This is your world and anyman is trying to get a ticket in. Remember you are a prize, a beautiful reward for a man being a man. Dating is all about having fun, even if it doesn't work out with you and a guy, no worries you have another date next week!

Rekindle
If you're in a relationship or have one thats fairly new, take the time to rekindle some feelings. Do something new, surprise him. I'll randomly tell my BF I want to walk on the beach at night. Find a festival to suggest to him, make a picnic lunch and hike with him, take a trip 2 hours away from your home and stay in a hotel, Anything to get out of the house and out of a potential rut!

Sure I'd love to meet your wife!!!

I'm back from a much needed vacation, sometimes I write so much my fingers stop functioning in protest. I've got some stories to tell.

A close friend is down about her current dating situation. Let me rewind to a few months back, her and I were on the same page, our fellas had stopped contacting us. Mine after one year of dating disappeared for a whole week. My solution to her was for us to drink the strongest drink we can find and flirt until we can't flirt no more. Fast forward, my fella and I worked out his little communication issue and I got to hear her story.

After months of dating, hand holding in public, late night lovin and eggs in the morning, and whispering I love you into her ear, he disappeared. She chopped it up to his demanding work, told herself he'll be back.And he did come back, with apologies to spare, he hooked her. One fine afternoon they were to meet to 'talk' about where and who and what they were. Only he didn't keep his end of the bargain. Sitting alone in public, she had had enough. Using the world wide web, she was able to find his very public information and decided to end this charade once and for all, afterall she was falling for him. She arrived at his dwelling, and knocked...

That's when SHE answered, the ring big enough to see from a mile away. "Can I help you?" My friends mind flooded with scenarios, if she'd had a pot of grits I bet that would've been the one she went with. But being the professional she is, she kept her cool and told her she was there to see her friend. Intuition kicked in and the two had a question and answer session fit for a game show, all the while this Jester stood watching his work, pleased at the women both there on his accord. She left the situation wiser, and cautious enough to scare the next man to pieces.

So the question is could this have been avoided?
There are a few signs that every woman shouldn't ignore.

1) Ask
Even if he lies, your conscious is clear. A word of warning if a man really wants to get at you he will gladly lie, but you've done your duty. This question should actually be asked pretty quickly, probably right after you learn his name. Don't just look for a ring, a ring can easily be taken off.

2) Be in the house
If you haven't seen his dwelling, more than likely he's hiding something. If you're really dating, feeling eachother, you're his girl etc, within a month you should see his place of living. A man with a wife and kids isn't going to take you to his place, you're his little secret. If you've been dating for a while and you've never seen his personal space, somethings going on.

3) He should be a showoff
If you haven't met his friends and family... hmmmm. This is a big sign, if you're his girl and his only girl, he will proudly let you meet the people closest to him. Because you're close to him so it only makes sense. You can meet his male friends and still be the other woman, make sure you meet a female in his life.

4) A sleepover isn't a commitment
Some wives are amazing. A man can date you, spend the night and still go home and keep his legs. Just because he's spending the midnight hours cuddled with you, doesn't mean he doesn't have a family. And if he NEVER spends the night with you, well that's an easy sign. Just keep your intuition open for this one, you can tell yourself the answer 9 out of 10 times.

Women have an amazing sense of intuition, we guess whats going on in a relationship early on, and usually we ignore it. That's why you often hear women saying 'I knew this was going on' We fall for a man and deny that he could do us dirt, and if we find out we are the other woman, we wonder why the wife didn't have him on a leash. He's an independent thinking person and being with you while having a family was HIS choice. You keep your intuition in check and set your position in his life early on. And if it isn't going anywhere that's okay, your Prince Charming is out there somewhere.

Our Generation

Is messed up. No longer are young woman demanding for respect but were excepting it as we get older. Young girls are out there abusing there bodies by having sex with mutiple men in only a few weeks because they are looking for love in all the wrong places. Were not protecting ourselves from HIV and diseases. Were not on birth control anymore and we end up giving up our dreams and goals to raise our children. We let young men kill our spirit and have us walking around feeling like S&*^. Walking around with our heads down instead of them being up. We allow these young men to cheat more than once. It only takes one time, and most of the time they won't stop. Our generation is out of control. I see woman crying and waiting for these young men to change. But in reality however you met him is how he is going to be. I see them complaining and confused about relationships. Not knowing what they want, because when they say what they want, they turn around and get the opposite. & the opposite breaks their walls down and demolishes them. Play games with their feelings. One minute they act like they want us than don't need us. While young woman are still growing and maturing trying to build they're self esteem. We let these young men come along and help bring stress. We loose weight, we loose our hair, and we basically stop caring about our looks. It's hard enough being a woman. But to let them beat us and break us down not phycially but mentally is ludicris. I see young girls thinking it's OK to have babies at sixteen than drop them off at there parents house while they out partying. This weekend I wondered is it really the men or could it just be our generation is messed up?

A LESSON LEARNED

A few weeks ago I wrote about my experience at the opera. I was stereotyped as "the black woman who was on her phone" because I am a black woman who happened to be turning her phone off before the opera started. I was devastated because the person who stereotyped the situation to be true was a black woman. Without regards to my nature she assumed I was THAT black woman.

This morning I found myself in her shoes. I happen to be at a gas station that is frequently covered in drug users trying to pump your gas, wash your windows, scam you for change any which way possible. I am at this gas station at least twice a week and I would sit and listen to stories just for entertainment as it takes forever to fill the tank in my truck. I hear stories of how they lost their jobs and how the system wouldn't help them so they turned to drugs. I even heard a story of a man who told me his car was parked in the corner and all he needed was $10 to get to his ceremony as he was going to be ordained as a priest. Of course I saw him there several weeks later trying to use the same spill to me and I laughed and told him to go away. With such stories you become almost hypnotised by the so called master manipulator of the drug user. My mother always told me to help when I can because you never know when you are helping an angel. So, I would often give what I can without judgement once, and if I saw them again in the same situation, I would bless them and move on.

This one particular morning I happen to be in a crap mood and I was not ready to hear the stories so as I pulled up I told them all to go away and fuck off. One guy was pretty persistent and approached me anyway. He said, "Mame I'm coming to you because I ran out of gas on the freeway and I really need to get to work. I really need this job to support my family. I have my work I.D. and all I need is a few more dollars." I turned to him and said, "Why would you leave home with no money knowing you didn't have any gas? It makes no sense and you need to come up with another story to get a piece of my check to support your drug habit." He said, "I don't do drugs and I promise you any money you give me will go toward gas." I laughed but I thought about what mum said and through him a few dollars and told him I better not see him there again or else. Or else what? I don't know I just said it because I was up going to my place of work while men, black men where out there making money and tax free, to give to the drug man. I pumped my gas with a grim look as to keep all the others away and got in my truck and hopped back on the express way. As I hopped on the express way I saw a car on the side and the same guy with a gas can putting gas in his car.

At that moment I realized why I was experiencing the situations I have experienced. I judged the usher woman at the opera who judged me and I became the judge in a situation where one of our black men were in need of assistance. He lowered his pride to ask me, a black woman, for money so that he may get to is job to support his family, this had to be hard. The crap I gave him by stereotyping him with all the others as was done to me at the opera, must not have made his day any better.

This situation had me thinking. Maybe the woman at the opera was having a crap day. Maybe she had situations over and over with black woman being rude and on their phones at every event and she was tired of it and my one night was her astounding wake up call to not judge every situation the same as this one morning is mine.

This is a lesson learned. I truly understand it and appreciate it. This will help me to continue my self awareness and self improvement so that I can understand all people and life a bit better.

The moral to this story is, love everyone no matter what their situation might be and the love you give you will receive in return. Oh yeah, "Today I shall not judge." I didn't say that this morning and look what I did. hmmmmm....

To all the fathers...

Happy fathers day to all the fathers
to all the daddy's that kiss the boo boo's
to all the fathers that wake up in the middle of the night
to all the daddy's that now know how to change a diaper
to all the fathers that rub the pregnant belly
to all the daddy's that sacrifice for the college education
to all the fathers that get off the second job exhausted
to all the daddy's that question the prom dates intentions
to all the fathers that keep their promises
to all the fathers that are actually mothers too
to all the fathers that are single and making it work on their own

A happy fathers day to you... we lead by example