Thursday, September 23, 2010

Are we singing the same old song?

We all know the black experience in America hasn't been the best experience historically. Now that we are in a better position in society, are we readdressing an issue that is over? Or have we really not advanced in our own community? There is still a great divide between black men and women, and it shows in our films and plays and books... so how do we get to a happier place in media? Does the term life immitating art or art immitating life apply to us? Why arent we happy?

Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Essence of Beauty

Looking at the history of the standards of beauty in this country and the fantastic trend towards changing that standard, is a white fashion editor at a black magazine another sign of change? As with most things that deal with racial discrimination from the African American community, you must look at the whole picture (just ask Shirley Sherrod) Magazines such as Essence came about not because black women felt the need to racially exclude other standards of beauty, but because other magazines did so to African American women... and thus Essence is born, for us by us. If you're a black woman and you've ever sat down in the chair at the salon for a beautician of another race, for the most part of your beauty visit you will hear about how they've only started doing black hair, how different it is, or how proud they are that they've been able to wrap their curling irons around it. Same with makeup artist, most makeup and hair stylist of other races have never done the hair or makeup of a black female! Or they don't know how (i personally believe thats a choice of theirs not to learn, because it's not that difficult) but I digress.... so knowing that we have specific products, and can't just walk down the street and into a salon to get our hair done, or even find makeup thats our shade in certain stores (i had to drive miles to find my shade in virginia) is it okay for a woman who does not have our experience to determine what goes in the magazine? Perhaps this woman knows her stuff, realizes that we have different trends within our community and different stories that we like to see. I hope the best for her at her time at Essence, and hopefully this will be an opening for people in the fashion, hair and makeup community of other races to learn about the beauty of black skin and hair, and black beauty in general.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Dating With Children

I have a friend that's decided to consider dating a man with children. This got me thinking about the dynamics and differences between men and women and how we get to certain points in our lives. This friend swore by not dating men with children, so what made her change her mind? Women in general are usually more open to going into a dating situation with a man thats already a father. In the black community, if a male is a loving father then it shows us that theres the possibility of having a loving father for our children in the future (if we're thinking about that) Dating a man thats a loving father is a plus, and even a turn on for women. Men, after asking several seem to simply accept the fact that the woman he wants to be with has a child, he might learn to grow and care for the child, but he isn't looking at her as a loving mother that might mother his future children. I think if more women in our community only accepted dating fathers that were loving, caring, and there for there children, it might prevent the dooming "serial father" You know the men that have children by more than one (sometimes as many as 5 or more) women. Basically if you've never seen a serial father turn on Maury.

Being open to having a family thats already started might put you, ladies, into a different dating pool that you might find pleasing. Of course be aware as to why his previous relationship ended, I can't stress enough how important it is to have mothers and fathers TRY to work things out for the sake of family. But, if you can accept the reason he's not with the mother of his child, and he's showing he can be a good man by caring for his child or children, then why not date him?

Single and ready to..... commit

What do you do when you've come to the point in your life where you're ready to take the next step but theres noone to take it with? Finding that special someone is truly an adventure, and I am finding more and more women who believe in their heart of hearts that there really isn't a "soul mate" out there for them. So going into this experience called dating I must begin to look within myself and ask, what is the point? When I meet a man should I be going straight for the throat and considering love and marriage and house and carriage, or should I put away the hunting gear and play it cool having the attitude of "what will be will be"

Growing up I was taught that if you want something you need to go after it. I ask you, do you think that also applies to love? So what if "what will be will be" never happens? What if my laid back attitude puts me off from falling in love because theres no effort on my part.

As a child many women dream of having their prince charming come in and sweep them off their feet, statistically for over 40% of black women this will never happen. And so I enter this dating experience confused, but open to saying "what I WANT to be will be"

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Adventures Summer Dating

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen, it's been a while since I last blogged. It's summertime and living single in Hollywood has it's ups and downs. Me and my single friends are enjoying the adventures in dating. As we navigate more blog entries will be coming so stay tuned!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Black Man Going Vogue and Dressing Up in Drag

I have noticed that every famous black man will always accused of being homosexual when he exhibits qualities different from the gangster killer model.Also, I noticed from conversations with friends, every famous black man in the entertainment field had to dress up in drag? Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence, Christ Tucker, the list goes on, and this list is quite scary.Seriously, name a famous comedian today that did not dress up in drag? To us this may seem okay, but to the many young black boys out there, maybe this message can be confusing to a young boy who is heterosexual but he is constantly seeing a bunch of famous black men who look like him dress in drag. Lastly, every male R& B artist gets the gay rumors as if a black straight man can't be sensitive? What!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

1 trillion buying power in America......

In America we have 1 trillion in buying that flows through our hands....the question is where is our money going and are these places investing in our communities or investing in us as individuals?

Some positive news about marriage

Some positive news,

Thursday, January 21, 2010

John Edwards finally admits to being the baby daddy

RALEIGH, N.C. – Former Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards finally admitted Thursday he fathered a child during an affair before his second White House bid, dropping long-standing denials just ahead of a book by a former campaign aide who initially took the fall.

Edwards released a statement admitting paternity of the girl, Frances Quinn Hunter, who was born in 2008 to videographer Rielle Hunter as the result of an affair Edwards has already confessed to.

"It was wrong for me to ever deny she was my daughter," he said, adding he was providing financial support for the child and mother. "I am Quinn's father."

The admission comes ahead of the Feb. 2 release of a book by former Edwards aide Andrew Young that is expected to describe how Edwards worked to hide his paternity with Young's help.

read full article

The poor child is going to know she was denied. And his wife gets kudos for putting up with his crap. All in all this man wins, he got his cake on the side, made a beautiful baby and still gets to keep his family. Is that right?

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Don't get me wrong...

This is dedicated to the interracial couples that think my every waking moment is spent sabotaging their relationship with my eyes. I am a bright professional woman that has had both street and traditional education. I know why most of our men do what they do. I know why most of our women do what they do. I've studied human nature (yes it is possible to understand other people, and there are scientist who dedicate their whole lives to studying human behavior) I've studied the effects of events in this country, and I've lived it. There are thousands of youtube videos and websites, mostly by black men, who are willing to bash black women because THEY themselves are in interracial relationships. So this post is dedicated to you, and you're lovely lady.

Date... whomever you want. Love whomever you want, but please please please don't forget where you come from, or hide why you're doing it. I've rarely met a black man in an interracial relationship that says he simply "fell in love, skin didn't matter" His dating outside his race is usually a conscious decision, and deals with dislikes towards black women. Be real, if you don't like "a black woman's attitude, how black women expect too much out of a man, or how black women gold dig" then when asked why you date outside your race, be real about it. Say it. To us, to others, to the cameras. Don't worry about hurting our feelings, because we already know why. Be real. And ladies, when you're man is alone with us, he will say how he truly feels, although he might tell you race doesn't matter, he just saw you and was smitten, theres usually something deeper behind it. I've never heard a black man says he prefers white women because he feels it in his heart. Thats simply not realistic first of all, all people have a certain type of person they are attracted to, and that's fine. Rather its the white guy that prefers Asian women, or the black woman that prefers Indian men. You are attracted to who you are attracted to. Yet when a black male is asked about his preference, he usually has something negative or hurtful to say about the women of his own race or other races. I was watching a video by a black man where he described white women as superior because of their manageable hair.... wow you get an A+ guy, I feel sorry for what ever blond sister gets stuck with you!

I'm not looking at you... for some reason whenever I'm out and about, maybe at a club, or restaurant, I'll suddenly feel eyes on the back of my head. I'll look over and see a brother, or his date staring at me. And I wonder "why?" It seems to me interracial couples WANT the evil stares. First, I don't have time to think about you, second if you're staring at me, then I'm going to look back and wonder why, which seems to be a trap. "Whenever we go out as a couple we get stares from black women." Who? really who is sitting staring at you as a couple? If you follow these people with a camera I'd bet you wouldn't see one black woman turn her head, we've seen it already. We're over it.

Don't bash us for dating outside our race... It seems black men are getting waaaay too angry at black women who date and marry white or latino men. Within a group just hanging out I've heard it enough times to see its an issue with them. They don't want us to date outside our race! The solution to that is put a ring on it and be a supportive, patient man who is willing to fight for his relationship, and work (in life and with understanding a woman)

Don't stereotype me to justify you're dating choices... I get the worst generalizations from black men. Perhaps I'm at a bar, and I'm being approached, unbeknownst to the gentleman approaching I didn't pay attention to him approach, or perhaps I'm waiting for my boyfriend and don't want to be asked for my number even though I tell you I'm in a committed relationship, or showed a penis via cell phone. (all of this has happened, no lie)Perhaps I'm not interested in you, which is fine, every woman isn't going to want you. But please don't chop it up to me being a black woman. I've actually had a man say this to my face, here's the situation. I'm at a club, this time waiting for my girls. I just ordered a drink and I'm waiting. Not doing anything, simply waiting. I'm approached by an older gentleman who kindly says "Smile, why do black women always look so mean." Excuse me? What does that even mean? Are black women that watched to where I can't even simply sit and wait, not smiling, not grimacing, not killing anyone with my eyes, simply sitting, and that has to do with my race? Or I'll turn down an advance, and I'm overly nice about it, I've actually been followed out to my car because I'm too nice, which is dangerous, and when I say no, I don't want to date you or give you my number, it will be chopped up to me being black. Sorry, I don't flip over every crotch that comes my way, and that's okay, maybe you're not my type, maybe I'm already dating, maybe I'm married. Show respect and don't insult my race because I don't want to date you.

To the ladies of other races... talk to us, most of us don't bite. We aren't irrational animals that pounce on you because you "steal our men" We know what you're more than likely going through, and we don't pity you. No matter what race of men you're dating, relationships have their problems. We know it's not all roses because you have your Nubian prince, or maybe it is and that's fine too. All we want to do is be recognized as the intelligent beautiful women that we are, and you're hating on us by thinking we think you "stole our men" really divides us as a gender. From the senator who gets his mistress pregnant, to the jailbird in the ghetto, men and women have their issues. I have my own life, my own issues, my own problems and solutions, I truly don't care who you date. More often than not, you start the conversation, asking me a silly question like "do you hate it when black men date white women?" this was an actual question from a total stranger. I'm going to give you my accurate opinion, and the history behind it, if you ask, you'll get an answer. And it will never be "I prefer black men date white women! I hook up all my black guy friends with white girls! Yayyyyyy!" Theres a reason behind why I feel the way I feel, and theres a reason behind the stigma of interracial dating, listen to it and empathize instead of saying "that's all in the past" because we all know the past shapes the future. Women need to have the girl power of the Rosie the Riveter days, this race thing is simply a distraction.

I went to see the Body Exhibit, and if you haven't seen it I recommend it. It taught me a valuable lesson seeing the different bodies, how they move, how the muscles and bones look and work together. And I realized... we all really do look the same on the inside. The emphasise on race was created in this country by the slave masters and the killers and murderers... so why are you still falling into their ignorant trap? I don't care who you date, get over it, and stop dating and marrying women out of racial spite! Don't get me wrong, you don't know how I feel about anything until you ask me.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Support our brothers and sisters in HAITI by Wycleaf Jean provides a way for us to Donate. During this hard time for the first black democracy in the world, let us remember the need for us to unite. There is so many ways to divide people of color, but places like Haiti, and even places in America like Watts, reminds us how we must still stand together as a people. Sadly, racism is still alive in the hearts of many people in this world. However, we are also making progress in the year 2010, but we must not lose sight of how important unity is.....if we can become rich and support GUCCI and FENDI, we can also support black countries too. We as African Americans should find ways to stimulate black own buisness's and countries with our dollars we get in America. The tragedy in Haiti is a big wake up call for me. People of African descent worldwide must stand in unity ecnomoically instead of making these multi billion dollar companies rich. Let us find ways to buy from struggling indepdendent black own business's and let's keep investing in making the lives of black people better in America and outside America. Yes, we are one person, but if we remember that UNITY is the key to overcoming racism and sexism we can make some real positive change. Yes, we are more than a color, but we have to unite in order to protect our quality of life....we have to support our communities economically....

Pray for the people in Haiti and let's start supporting the development of black communities when possible. Maybe we can try to buy at least two things from a black owned business this year ...... is a foundation we can send money to.

"That is all we is"

*sigh.......I wonder what Dr. King would think of the statements made by Cornel West , Tavis Smiley and Micheal Dyson.....we can agree that we need effective policies and we as citizens have the right/freedom to advocate for them but to insult a leader for not being black seems like crabs in a barrel syndrome..... with many young black boys in tough communities seeing crime as the only way out, should top " African American Leaders/Scholars be petty and knock the President for not being black instead of having engaging discussions about solutions for everyday Americans? We have to be critical of all leaders, this is a democracy but I am surprised by the words of such a top historian him of all people should know the position of the President. We can change race relations and gender inequality by making these issues important to those who intentionally or unintentionally support the beliefs and actions of inequality. But at the end of the day I guess we all have to be that " ol' colored girl and ol' colored boy " to the few and those with are same color, "that is all we is....."

On another note, are some black male leaders having a little Penis Envy? As women of color we have also been shut out of many discussions regarding our communities....many of us have been victims of our own black men, so when will one of these top African American leaders address these issues instead of going in on the President not being black enough. All things aside, we should always question leaders....but are some people using the black community for their own personal gain?