Black Men and Black Women

This guy is pretty interesting. He touches on alot of issues black women try to express when talking about interracial dating.

Do we define "Black Love" as just love between two black people?

Do we think this months Essence went to far with placing Reggie Bush on a cover " Black Love"....now apparently Essence is getting some bad comments with this one...what do you think? are we reading to much into this situation ? or should a magazine directed at black women be more sensitive ? Also, is black love more than just love with another black person?

Check out the link below.

http://ow.ly/16iPft

Let the little stuff slide off....

I was listening to the radio and heard a powerful statement. A man said " African Americans need to watch our idle time, and we need to be more productive". He further stated that " We need to make sure our conversations relevant and useful". I think of a saying my mother always tells me " Do not waste time". Now obviously we need to relax in life and we must find ways to renergize. However, it is time in 2010 for all of us to dream big! Aa women of color we are more than just job lablels, mothers, and wives.....we have souls too. We are placed on this planet to be true to our souls and to create....the question I ask myself is " what am I creating" and " how can I express my soul in a productive way". In American society, it is very easy to become a label in this huge rat race. Yet, whether we are wives, successful buisness women or great mothers we also need to make sure we are truly focused on expanding our creative space within and outside these relationships. I can only imagine the reason why many financial successful people are unhappy is because they have lost this creative space. I know many friends who are blessed in the entertainment and fine art field who use these gifts everyday. Regular folks like you and me also need to challenge ourselves to make our lives richer.......we can get all we want but we must also add the flavor to it as well...and in order to add this flavor to our lives we have to let the little stuff slide. Let go of the day to day bullshit . Let go of the day to day limiting experiences in life and with other people. In the words of Lauryn Hill get out the boxes. The people who use their lives completely never allowed themselves to be in a box. Life is not a popularity contest on who likes us or loves us. How dare we spend any second or any of our breath on what does not matter. How dare we fill our thoughts on anything that is not our food for the soul.Life is about how much we love life and the people around us... It is also about us finding a space with our creator, our God and challenging God to open up new directions and paths for us...we want to grow as much as possible. The small distractions of worrying about the little things, little ideas and other people's limitations can truly stop our quality of life. We can all live to be one hundred but the quality of life is what counts, at the end of the day we are given so much, the question for 2010 is how much will we focus and let our lives grow beyond our own expectations.... This is what I ask myself at this point in my life...Like a pot, we have to give our dreams, sun, soil and water, we also cannot let anyone pluck these dreams away from us.... hold on, and I am expecting great things for myself and all of us this year :-)...and may we share these new beginnings with our loved ones in our lives...

Miseducation sucks

"Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths." - Lois Wyse

From Don Imus to Michelle Obama, the 2000s Will Go Down as a Decade to Remember for Black Women

From Don Imus to Michelle Obama, the 2000s Will Go Down as a Decade to Remember for Black Women

Are African Americans getting any real benefits of the civil rights movement?

As a California native, I have noticed something scary. My parents were immigrants and they had to work hard to get citizenship in America. However, I wonder that since they were African descent immigrants did they not get any additional help and opportunities in comparison to other immigrants. My main point is that the civil rights movement was about social equality for all people. Yet, the African Americans that were the main fighters for this social equality to me are not benfiting as much from these social, economic and political gains? Individuals that immigrant from countries of African Descent do not get the same assistance.At the end of the day, we are all people of the human race, I am not being divisive about the general struggle for freedom and human rights, however, I do think that many social programs and opporunities are spefically geared towards immigrants of non african descent and other U.S. minorities. I do not have a problems with offering the same programs to all people in order to be fair and just, but I do not like that after 400 hundred years, people of African descent still get the short hand of the stick when it comes to recruitment and obtaining resources for advancements on all levels of society. This is why I am a strong believer in still supporting black networks, we still need each other's support. The influx of latinos had added wonderful diversity, I love the diverse cultures, however, we must also still stay critical in this new "non race" society.so that those of African descent do not become silently left behind. Many will want us to believe that structural racism is not here anymore, this is a very dangferous belief. For example, schools systems cater to non english speakers, however, you can speak english and still be functionally not literate ......we need to make sure African American children are not left behind as well. This is just one example how minorities can be selected from a group of other minorities to have more " directed" benefits than others. I hope in a couple decades, the gap between blacks and Latinos will not be similar to those than whites. I can also use the University of California schools as another example where other minorities dominate and blacks are left our the picture, these other minorities are indeed benefiting from the civil rights movement, policies and opportunities but we must make sure that all blacks have the same opporunities when it comes to obtaining the same helpful resources...keep our eyes open. Most of all, I am no writing this blog as a way to say blacks need a handout and we are waiting to get things without working for it. I just see that we must stay vigilant about making sure that we are also eating the fruits that African Americans died for years ago as well....As black history month approaches, it becomes vital that whites and non black minorities truly respect the sacrifices that many African Americans have made for civil rights, human rights and social progress.....Black History month in America should really be called American Civil Rights month and African Americans played a huge role in that fight in which many others are benefiting from today in America...

Sometimes its not all black n white Lou Jing

This beautiful half Chinese half Black sister is being hated, hackled, and harassed by her Chinese people. If she was half white she could blend in and all would be well. I'm happy my skin is dark, I'm happy I stick out, because I shift through the real people, and the people with half brains that descriminate because of skin color. Its kind of a forced "be real" situation. If you're racist, you'll show it and I'd rather know who is and who isn't.
I just wish her father was there to support her emotionally.

When will we point of the self hate in black men?

I remember speaking to one of my coworkers at a past Job. It was such a true and funny. conversation. She was in her late 50's a cultural aware woman who happened to also be Jewish. She described to me how in the past black women were not " having all that" ...in other words, we showed our disdain for any educated black man that wanted to marry outside of his race for status and self hate instead of love....? Deep down are many of our black man still wanting to move in to the masta's house and with his woman instead of using new freedoms to build a new house? Seriously, at times I wonder if many black men are still looking to white America as their fathers rather than truly defining their own lives for themselves? IN the pursuit of money, we need to all become owners.In the case of Tiger Woods, why can't we have more black men and women being the people who cut checks for million dollar athletes, and once again we should have more people than just Tyler Perry and Oprah able to make hollywood decisions.....yet, no matter how we dress it up, many of our men and even some of our women are still " shucklin and jiving"......but our men is where we lose the much needed leadership for our communities, we as black women have been doing this strong black woman thing for too long, it is time for us to hold black men accountable and stop blaming it all on us.....if you date outside of your race for love, that is okay, but to date outside of your race because you hate how your mother looks is disgusting, it should be the exceptions but not the rule to date everyone that does not look like you! ,how can you hate yourself?

So what do we do ladies?

Liars, and Tigers, and Hoes! OH MY!

So I've waited for a while to write about this one on purpose. I wanted to see how it will play out, I remember watching the morning news for a few days and thinking, my god he had a car accident leave the man alone! But it has clearly turned out to be a deeper and darker issue with our beloved blasian golfer. His squeaky clean persona and papa pleasing career has landed him in the top 10 black men in my book (he's black even if he won't admit it) and I feel like there are alot of issues that have led up to his personal unraveling.

Here are 5 good points that both defend Tiger and could make him hang his head in shame

1) The politics behind being a multi millionaire black male in sports. Basketball players and Football players have been proof is this issue for decades. There is a certain politic when it comes to black men and sports. I'm a conspiracy theorist to the max and when I see the black men running around after a ball headed by their white coach, well I can only refer to one point in history where that was okay, but alot of people might think I'm digging too deep on that one... fine! But breaking barriers in a sport like golf comes with great consequences for a black man. First off he must live up to the image of his peers, this means blending in as much as possible, even if it means at times not acknowledging either of the two races that make you you. His choice of marrying and raising a family will be scrutinized not matter what, his black wife would be scrutinized, his asian wife would be scrutinized, and his white wife as well. But as always when a black man is "successful" the safest choice for a mate is a white woman, afterall that will mean she's not a gold digger right? (hmmm how much is Elin standing to gain from this marriage?) When will our men realize it doesnt matter what race of woman you marry, most of them will simply see dollar signs. Now lets say she really loved the guy, i don't know them personally so, lets say this was truly her prince charming, her white counter parts are taking pride in pointing their fingers at the woman that tried to save the animalistic man that can't keep it in his pants. Lets face it, thats what black men are best known for anyway? A man of his stature, and with his sexual issues simply needs to stay single... why do you think Oprah will never get married? She knows the deal.

2) Money money money. This athlete stands to lose alot based simply on his image. So why oh why didnt he think about that when he was bending over a random waitress? Why can't these men really think? I mean really? There has to be a certain point in a mans life when the lightbulb comes on right? Wrong, and he has proven that. Now he's on a race to save his fortune from his wife, and save his endorsements who want a clean, family man on their roster. And what do these "mistresses" get? A chance to go down in the Hoe hall of fame.

3) Children don't make your image. Sometimes in the entertainment and sports industry a sick thing happens, the public figure needs to have a kid to keep their image. It's not really anything new, and isnt an unknown issue. Rather its through adoption to keep up with the Pitts, or having a kid within a PR marriage, the public figures of this country need to hold themselves accountable for bringing children into truly screwed up situations. If he really has a sex addition he should be ashamed of himself for having children, looking at the timeline it was possible he was cheating on his wife during her pregnancy, which to me is the ultimate disrespect a man can show towards his wife.

4) The race war. Tiger has gotten some flack from the beginning because of the color of his skin, its America, it's normal, people are screwed in the head. So would this be as big an issue if his wife were black? Hearing about the other golfers turning their backs on him, when they probably have their little candy girl on the side as well doesnt sit right with me. Calling him a fake, and the man that introduced the two saying he knew Tiger was fake, then why would you hook him up?! If you know someone is sticking his d#@& in every hole on the golf course, then don't introduce him to your gal pals. We are in the age of Obama and you can't have too many good black male images in the media, we gotta mix it up a little, thanks Tiger for reminding us our men need alot of work! (thats sarcasm)

5) Self control. Sex addition is a crock. I'm sorry, I know there are people out there rocking back and forth saying oh my god I need to do it now with anyone! But give me a break, there are way too many classified, medicated addictions and vices that simply center around a lack of self control. His father seemed like a loving and caring man that would be disappointed to have a son that simply didn't think. I dont buy any kind of addiction story.

Do African American women have to give up more to be with someone?

Okay, we already know some of the grime statistics of finding a African American male partner. If we also try to date outside our race, we also have to sometimes face racism there as well. I do think that dating outside our background is important because we are all people regardless of color. However, the bigger issue of value and racism comes to mind when I think of how much I may have to give up to be with someone. I am limited in my choices. Yes, I can overcome these limitations and I do believe with faith( and acts of courage) I can find my true partner. Nonetheless, if I am a fish and dating is my sea..... how do I create a boundary between being to eager to swim in okay waters when I can have some better waters....does this makes sense? A stereotype that comes to my mind is the angry " ghetto" screaming black woman. This stereotype is the representation of how historically and even presently we are all put into a box of inequality as women of color. We are put into a box of racism and sexism all at the same the time. I also think African American communities have a huge division when it comes to class. Many of us in higher positions either want to forget racism exists or we want to justify why many blacks have bad life outcomes. Alright, so with all this said, we have to be careful to not settle for just anything. Sometimes our expectations are very low. The media or mainstream people will want us to believe that " educated" black women have too high of standards and this is why we are single. I am sorry, the reality is we are mules to our black men and sometimes cartoons to non-black men. Many of our black men have sold us out. In California I rarely will see a black man push a stroller for a black woman. A friend of mine told me how in the mid Atlantic is so easy to see a black man with a black baby? The real solution is not for us to be angry, that will never ever help, but we must also remain hopeful. I heard another woman say that "all men cheat", now the media may show every famous black man sticking his love everywhere but that is not necessarily true for ALL black men. We must still expect a man to not cheat, we must still expect a man to support us with his heart, we must expect him to not be perfect, but we can expect him to be a soldier for us and to protect us ....because that is what we do deserve like every other woman. We also have to guard our hearts, what a burden? we are exploited, and this is the reality, a man who knows the social conditions of our situation will have to be a man of his word because we have to guard our bodies and souls. There is a reason we have high HIV rates, single mothers and forms of abuse -------------> racism and sexism. We must speak truths to each other as women as well and not apply the racist stereotypes of causation to our own sisters! If we look at popular culture, we would think being the trash bags to men is normal and it is not. We also have to remember that education does not mean everything, a college educated man can dump you and leave you. In the end, we have to keep our hearts true to our ancestors and ourselves........we are all royalty. We deserve the realist love, a love that will make sure that we do not cry too long, a love that will always want to heal us, a love that will never want to break us, even if we may fight...... there is nothing perfect people, but as black woman I do think we have to straddle the line between loving with all our our hearts like we have done since the beginning of time....and finding the freedom to love, never being scared to fly to where we belong and also to stay where we do belong...

Treating ourselves this holiday season

The holidays are a great time to love our loved ones. Most of us busy motivated women have to also remember to treat ourselves( buy that latte, do our nails, make sure to rest, and take nice walks etc.)Now treating ourselves does equate to just buying an expensive bag( but do this if you want, I know I might if I can LMBO!). It is just so good to reflect about the year . It is a time to think of the good and also the bad. New year resolutions are not just about losing weight and getting a new job, but it can also mean supporting positive growth in the areas that need it the most in our lives. So, for me, I am making this holiday season about connecting with myself and of course with the things that cannot be bought. ..This can give some us even more strength to be what we already are....beautiful women. Let's make 2010 even more beautiful for us and the things we love.....and make sure to treat ourselves well this holiday season, we all deserve it!